Alan Sondheim on Wed, 29 Aug 2001 12:24:52 +0200 (CEST) |
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<nettime> voice |
- some auto/biographies _ ... i now know my illness consists in _not being anywhere_ ... within me, there is always a vacancy ... as if a thousand motion-picture projectors were all going at once ... as if a thousand screens were dissolving simul- taneously ... always a murmur ... overtaken by what i recognize ... from the distant words of others ... i can turn my head to hear them ... as a sickness, the worst for its defense, taking my _presence_ away from me ... it is as if I have left the body long ago ... not so much of a stage, hardly anything theatrical ... even the projectors run silently, not all of them have film ... cinema, cinema ... _ the damp, flooding of the names, things soaking, specters streamed, sutured momentarily - the thread rots, lips fall open again - greedy eyes - the video (just before collapse, wet-rot) - carrying the hunger against our soaking bodies - miami drowning in implicate orders come unraveled - :soaked murmur drawn, erased, just before, not written on water, but mildew, the slow slough of culture forgotten - "books don't survive here" - pages fallen out or down - edges eaten by unknown creatures with brilliant iridescent wings :wet-world the first flooding the first runtime - scampered snake with green body and yellow ring near head lizard with yellow crest against green body yellow birds green bodies then white or blue birds some flocks of red ones - melding - the equipment broiling down - insects not insectivores inhabiting cpus - memory filled with hexapods - dismal - "the" dismal tradition - :fungus :mold :some tall slow-moving beetles - antenna - just "in case" - flooding of the names, liquid or poured sounds, sodden, the damp _ flay of the richness and dullness of the tropics: stone eaten alive "the standard inscription no longer holds "in relation" - substitution remains far too simple: ef tho richnoss und dallnoss ef tho trepics: steno outon ulivo "tho stundurd inscriptien ne lengor helds "in rolutien" - sabstitatien romuins fur tee simplo: something impossible "to get away with" - decay breaking down "in a manner dissimilar" to chaos - there is no return: noise seeps: the dullness and lack of memory of the tropics: of the very swamp of tha richnass enb bullnass of tha tropics: stona aetan eliva "tha stenberb inscription no longar holbs "in raletion" - sudstitution rameins fer too simpla: af tho richnoss unb bellnoss af tho trapics: stano outon ulivo "tho stunburb inscriptian na langor halbs "in rolutian" - sedstitetian romuins fur taa simplo: somathing impossidla "to gat ewey with" - bacey draeking bown "in e mennar bissimiler" to cheos - thara is no raturn: noisa saaps: tha bullnass enb leck of mamory of tha tropics: of tha vary swemp not even violence to the text - premises of decoding and its problematic - "the absent body" - erasure - lassitude - oj the rgchness and dullness oj the tropgcs: stone eaten algve "the standard gnscrgptgon no lonier holds "gn relatgon" - substgtutgon remagns jar too sgmple: ej tho rgchnoss und dallnoss ej tho trepgcs: steno outon ulgvo "tho stundurd gnscrgptgen ne lenior helds "gn rolutgen" - sabstgtatgen romugns jur tee sgmplo: somethgni gmpossgble "to iet away wgth" - decay breakgni down "gn a manner dgssgmglar" to chaos - there gs no return: nogse seeps: the dullness and lack oj memory oj the tropgcs: oj the very swamp oj tha rgchnass enb bullnass oj tha tropgcs: stona aetan elgva "tha stenberb gnscrgptgon no loniar holbs "gn raletgon" - sudstgtutgon ramegns jer too sgmpla: aj tho rgchnoss unb bellnoss aj tho trapgcs: stano outon ulgvo "tho stunburb gnscrgptgan na lanior halbs "gn rolutgan" - sedstgtetgan romugns jur taa sgmplo: somathgni gmpossgdla "to iat ewey wgth" - bacey draekgni bown "gn e mennar bgssgmgler" to cheos - thara gs no raturn: nogsa saaps: tha bullnass enb leck oj mamory oj tha tropgcs: oj tha vary swemp not even vgolence to the text - premgses oj decodgni and gts problematgc - "the absent body" - erasure - lassgtude - frenzy of the noon - sleeping _ what she is thinking she will say fissures, structure breaks at inscription: breakdowns and the problematic of mathematics. what crystalline mechanism prevents chaos: cages break down disseminations: locks contain spews: banks otherwise...the loosening of the strands, breaking of the vessels...the fissures, structure breaks at inscription: she is doing her toilet...she breaks down and math is a problem. what crystalline mechanism gives herself a break..."not to be so hard on herself"... it's something impossible "to get away with" - decay breaking down "in a manner" i know this now: "i'm going to break down here. i'm going to die here. i should be wrapping up here," she says. she says: "disseminations: locks contain spews: banks otherwise...the loosening of:of mathematics. what crystalline mechanism prevents chaos: cages break down:fissures, structure breaks at inscription: breakdowns and the problematic:inscription: she is doing her toilet...she breaks down and math is a:" she says: "the problematic:inscription: she is doing her toilet...she breaks down and" she says: "do fissures, structure breaks at inscription: breakdowns and the problematic replace your disseminations: locks contain spews: banks otherwise...the loosening of" she says: "your doll dissolves my !" she says: "your wraithe dissolves my loosening of:of mathematics. what crystalline mechanism prevents chaos" she says: "i'm dying here. my skull is filled with projectors. i'm not living here. i'm dying here." _ steam-mold writing green lizard d leaf snake with banded ring curll turtles esmasteamed so homes tend to disappear dragonfly lughtso homes tend to be at homes are supposed to be cad leaves ste dragons edies whameurlrtles cies ces fltutwo spf frogcaught esudden ois soddrs wiecan't have anything skth npououcan't keep your name down youre no names aare those y herehere s which te which fly thing thowl ich slither ts the steamed a curround which comes up thoseoss legcomes up wh you crawhcrico you in ch meettaker mind your sex yeamed outdon't have a chance t s to unravel is lost is ouerehatevert in the is loies strange orange mems yhwor hat caress ortthat redirds ething belong to you doesn'g that's not yours bnse sometyou se you say want to die here somt hinath say that's all i can do die here ys togoing to kill me de iou iy're e coming for me theyo hope tho inscription for hope the'rere'herothing about hope s ne's nere's curls like the steam tn curls like the steam hope've got to lose your language youg just caught me in its grip ththin't know it i ld be anything couthch me die somedont wa i _ do not leave us, we can't stop speaking "you are all witnesses," she said, "to this mold-death lizard-death, this reptilian world, this ancient world, look at the city placed there in the middle of this mammal-death, this corrosive heap of fur and mold; a few moments is all that is necessary, wet-rot sets in, i will be ancient community, you will not know me." "my words are already tainted with slime-mold, fungi, my eyes bear no resemblance to sight, look at them." "you say look at your eyes, look at you, look at your city. you say look at writing, there is nothing but scrawl, a city is a city, a thing is a thing, a human is a human." "you are all witnesses," she said, "i will be city, i will be ancient community, i will dissolve, this is not my home, this is of the homes of others, i smell them, they are my scent." "i am living in the pain and death of others, their odor, they trace themselves upon me, trace within me, i sense their coming, my eyes are theirs, my words are theirs, my mind is theirs." "you say you are theirs, that of scent and odor, you are using us in your words, you are their cries and whispers, look at them. you say they are your mind, look at their comings and goings. but you are of many things your dreams, a human is a human, a city is a city, a thing is a thing." "you are all witnesses," she said, "it will not be long, it will be a moment of another dawn, they are already looking, already becoming things, the city is built on ancient worlds, reptilian eyes follow me, they take my body, they pour in my holes, they enter everywhere, i am that city of the dawn, my eyes are sewn back, they stare at the sun, they will take my pain away." "they will not use my mouth to speak, they will not use my hands to write, nor my arms to gesture, they will not use my fingers to sign you, one after another sign, they will neither cry nor murmur, they will not love nor hate, they will be one and living in that city, that place, i am that city of the dawn." "you say of silencing, your world, you say of things, there are none, of minds and mouths, there are none, of signs, there are none. of the humans, you say nothing, you no longer say of the humans, you no longer move your hands, your arms, your fingers, you no longer say of silencing of the others, of the thinking, you no longer run your fingers through your hair, you no longer smile, you no longer walk lightly in this world, no longer walking in the world, silencing, no longer walking, of your eyes, no longer seeing, of your name, no longer hearing, of your names, humans no longer humans, of cities, no longer cities, of your minds, no longer minds, others speaking for you, of deaths, whirrings of unknown wings, eyes of different sights, ancient cities, wet-rot limbs decayed, corrosion bodies, we _ # distributed via <nettime>: no commercial use without permission # <nettime> is a moderated mailing list for net criticism, # collaborative text filtering and cultural politics of the nets # more info: majordomo@bbs.thing.net and "info nettime-l" in the msg body # archive: http://www.nettime.org contact: nettime@bbs.thing.net