<nettime> erotic truth & exchange

[brian carroll <aethereal@earthlink.net>]

 [The following ideas relate to observations and questions
 offered for contemplation by Newmedia.  The viewpoint
 proposed contains imprecision, errors, inaccuracies, and
 other personal limitations, so apologies in advance for this;
 corrections and improvements in conveyance are welcome.
 That said, the conceptualization itself is not mine alone and
 instead compiles various small observations already existing
 within a given culture,  recontextualizing them here in what
 may or may not be a peculiar framework. It is of concern that
 the ideas presented may be offensive to some as they involve
 sometimes explicit description of events related to sexuality,
 in its various facets, and money and the basis for exchange.
 To adequately delve into these realms it will be necessary
 to describe and correlate the overlapping dynamics and it
 can be disturbing to consider, at least for me, though it is
 also necessary to go further than abstractions will allow.]
 ---

* introduction *

I never understood money, never having that visceral relation
or lust for it that other people seem to have, where it becomes
a passion, and this may be why all the freedoms it can allow
were also never readily accessible either.  It has always been
secondary if not tertiary, and never in abundance and often of
relation to the cyclical peril of just getting by. Never out ahead
or in a safe zone financially. Thus it involves ongoing conflict,
a type of chaotic system like the weather, hard to forecast yet
knowing what the seasons are and how they will arrive again.
Sometimes a comet hits and the weather gets worse & worse.

A good way to learn about money is to not have enough and
then to learn about concepts of value that are tied into things,
material stuff, that is a type of storage for monetary value. The
stuff can maintain its value, depreciate, or raise in value even.
Craigslist is an example of this type of economy, where people
sell things in exchange for money. A type of auctioning off of an
object of value to another who agrees it is of value and trades
paper currency for whatever the material object may be.  So if
a person is struggling with limited income, one thing to do is
to see if there is anything that can be sold to generate money,
thus turning this stored value into more useful paper currency
that can be spent for other things. For example, someone can
sell their record collection or CDs or books and regenerate a
portion of what was initially invested.  Else, a person may even
look for undervalued items for the purpose of reselling them,
to gain a profit via this shared value and process of exchange.

In other words, some may make such exchanges for reasons
of financial necessity, as a way to generate emergency funds
via liquidating assets (if this is the correct phrase) while others
may focus on making money via this exchange as a business,
where it could be not just about recouping money and instead
about gaining money in the overall process. This could be the
difference between a more informal and a business approach.

The benefits to getting rid of unnecessary stuff is to streamline
a life, to realize what is a priority, what is important, what can
be gotten rid of, and this purgative function then can release
energy that otherwise is contained or stored within the various
things involved.  For instance, disorganization and clutter can
effect how a person goes about their life, how they manage in
the day to day, and their coping strategies. To pare down life
to the basic essentials, to get rid of the unnecessary is akin to
a concept of economy in the sense of efficiency and thrift. In
that what is inessential may create frictions or work against a
given set of goals or functioning, and releasing that constraint
could unleash a new set of possibilities for primary goals, etc.
It helps a person become more in tune with their goals, what
they are trying to do, what is most important, how to get there.

So in the everyday there are concepts like these that exist in
relation to economics and decision-making. Small decisions
such as throwing away or donating something that has been
unused or sitting on a shelf for years has its own significance,
and this can have many effects in a larger overall context if a
series of such decisions are made, which give or provide new
energy to the motivations that are potentially involved / related.
Such as the power to do something or to change functioning.
Thus, seasonally as well, perhaps there is the death and loss
of initiatives or stalled out opportunities or remnants of fork-in-
the road judgments, and dealing with the detritus or ruins of
these such inefficiencies in simply trying to live and function
are a part of life, a way of establishing ~lessons learned, else
to ignore them & just keep going ahead with that inefficiency.
It would seem that this would be a realm where morality and
self-reflection would be important with regard to being aware
of how excess money can allow an unreflective and further
pursuit of a given way of being or approach to consumption,
really, whereas having less money may force more value-
judgments and prioritization due to having limited resources,
and this is not necessary a bad thing in many circumstances,
because having-it-all may only be temporary and illusory.

Another type of economic functioning seemingly relevant to
questions of currency and money involves a substitution or
exchange for this currency, another format for making trades.
The coupon, cherished by those just getting by, is a way that
the inequalities in the economic system can be ever slightly
adjusted by corporations and businesses to help those who
are not benefiting from the existing and lopsided economic
structure to have just a little bit more wiggle room to get by.
This could be viewed in terms of redistribution of income,
possibly else a type of corporate charity or subsidy for the
general population in some ways. It is perhaps not in the
10 cent discount that this occurs, though with the grocery
store running double-coupon days, it is possible to save
20 dollars per visit using such coupons, which provides
a helpful buffer for those who are struggling in this way.
Thus, some may be thankful for corporations and retail
businesses who provide such currency for their use, as
this can have a social, political, and economic impact on
the way a person lives and their ability to get things done.

Likewise, there are those who deride those who use the
coupons, as if they are being cheapskates, and this often
struck me is an odd position to take, especially against
the poor, such that such stigmatization makes practicing
this form of barter economy, it would seem, into something
to be derided as if someone cheating the system. There is
a distinct personality that is associated with these views,
and often they can be found behind the cash registers, as
if a person who is saving money is stealing money from
the cashier and the business. So much so that retribution
can occur, such as 'bag your own groceries'. Just yesterday
I picked up a sale item and saved 4 dollars off a fresh juice,
and needed 2 cents to get the coupon because it required
a minimum purchase and as I went to get a piece of garlic
the cashier twisted the safety cap, partially opening it, so
that when I got home it was as if the juice was tampered
with. Weird, because in this way it devalues the juice and
turns something that was of high value into something of
lower or suspect value (poisoning?) via such subversion.
Why would this happen in a context of equal exchange,
or is there something more that is going on between the
parties involved in the transactions -- are there different
groups with different agendas involved in this exchange
process, and thus the money is a point of conflict if not
of contention, regarding who has what, via this money.
Meaning, is it a value judgment that someone may be
making a political exchange when using money or in
a monetary transaction and what might this be about?

My sense is that there are certain people who value
money above all else as their overriding truth, and that
it defines for them the basis for morality, and this group
is its own community, has its own politics, and seems to
sit above others in an oligarchic fashion, administratively.
And that monetary exchanges are in a sense judgments.
Decision-making boils down primarily to money as the
main issue, and a view of its profit for the given group.
Enough so that a crooked monetary system could be
used to benefit such a private constituency while saying
these same forces are serving the general public at large.
And this condition has been engineered through banks
and institutions and those representatives who populate
them, to enact certain strategies for this to be possible.

IN other words this is to say that is presupposed that
a certain group exists that is tied to the existing monetary
system and has a vested interest in keeping it the way it is
because it benefits them more than others, by default, and
an associated greed and avarice can be found in relation
to monetary issues where money is the number 1 priority,
versus issues of humanity, of justice, of virtues, of ideas.


* What is money? *

Never having known what money actually was or is, it
was through this deliberative process of evaluating and
exchanging things so as to allow further improvements
that basic principles were learned about its functioning.

This includes aspects of online commerce or local retail
stores where 'new items' no longer seem made to perform
their basic function (a dilution due to copying the copies),
and therefore the money that is asked for, to purchase a
given item [x] then is not actually performing the task that
[x] is supposed to be capable of.  In other words, the basic
economic exchange would be to exchange money for [x],
yet the trade actually involves trading [x] for not-[x] instead.

This situation is of a regressive or transgressive economic
condition whereby 'value' of an item may only be superficial
and not actual. It is the image of the item that is of value, the
appearance and not the thing itself. For instance, ordering
a household item that ceases to function correctly in use.
And it often seems that this is by design, that it is intentional.
That the economy is working against the individual consumer.
How could that be? Yet, how could a home store like Target
sell its own brand of bedsheets that pill after two washes?

Such questioning seems to lead to a manufacturing process
and quality control, and the role of the division of labor in
having middle managers throughout the process which can
alter the course of events via any number of ways. This too
would seem to imply an exchange is involved between the
seller and the production of the items sold, and is there a
shared trust that is enabling a shared goal for this item or
has competition and competing politics/economics entered
into this internal production, which the faulty products then
evidence, a type of symptom of the diseases of production?

In a roundabout way, this is the same condition between a
buyer and a seller of something, although inverted, within
an organization, and its internal relations, with itself and its
interaction with (global) society, as geopolitical workforce.
A worker in China committing suicide over work pressures
might as well be a neighbor down the block in this context,
even though they may occupy dark and hidden chambers
toiling as an automaton a world away, to make devices that
can be purchased in a shiny local retail shop for money. Is
the deterioration of these devices then part of the feedback
loop about the structural problems in this process of trade,
of exchange and work, that the dysfunctional production is
signaling an unsustainable and fragile system exploitable
and in this way the standard 'economy' can be devalued
via these same minor mistakes, errors, inadequacies -
and what can actually be done about it, on a small scale,
except to enforce a given model, more and more like that
of a dictatorship, where people are to be robots, ideally,
and not have any social or political or economic conflicts
-- just to be able to survive. So perhaps in a realm of such
conditions, the moral and ethical and legal basis for these
dynamics relates to the way the money is able to function
as the main priority, the representer of all of these values.
Someone is willing to trade money and make money on
those kinds of exchanges, where inequality is structural
& exploitation is built-into the way revenue is generated,
and likewise, the dysfunction in economic production, in
the purchasing of things, is likely the resulting feedback.

This perhaps idea of equal exchange should probably be
more about equitable exchange at the level of society, as
the ecological factors and differences between systems of
the state, including means of governance, are relevant to
different contexts, such as newly industrializing countries.

In any case my assumption has been that money is at its
core about truth. That what is exchanged in the transaction
between one person and another is - in the form of money -
an implicit agreement that what is exchanged is of equal
value, which then is mediated (signified) by the money.

Maybe that is too big a jump ahead, going into abstraction.
What it is meant to convey is the idea that money is being
used to mediate exchanges between people and between
people and the state. Perhaps it is amongst the most if not
the most prevalent connection to either in a cultural sense,
necessary like running water and waste disposal, yet it can
has far more applications in terms of its super-application,
as it develops the peak of a civilization via its resource. Its
stored value, its representing and standing-in for a shared
value of a society.  Peoples work, past work, future work
stored in it as a standard for mediating all these exchanges.
Hypothetically; its always possible it is monopoly money, a
fake currency that is vastly overvalued, play money for the
grand experiment in planet building & global poker games.

The point is that if I go to purchase a pair of shoes (and the
assumption is that the shoes will perform the function of a
pair of shoes) and thus exchange money for a pair of shoes,
where the value of the money relates to the value of the shoes,
supposing each will be equivalent - there is a high likelihood
that, given methods of production, that this product could be
detourned as it were, and the shoes could not be effective at
their task, or even produced so as to wear out quickly. Again,
a type of devaluing of the product via subversion, as feedback.
For the same money it may be possible to find a good pair of
shoes, where the exchange is equal, which is why product
reviews on reputable websites can assist in such investment,
given other viewpoints on their purchasing experience. Even
then, often the good products will be removed or discontinued
and replaced by malfunctioning or lower quality products in
turn, so the deliberate acts of sabotaging basic consumption,
whether via placing chemicals all over the food or breaking
items out of warranty via time-bomb short circuits is now the
norm. The exchange is can not be presumed: item = item.
The images lie, the language is misleading, the marketing
and advertising and 'the sell' itself are of a different mindset
than this. More of hucksterism, separating people from their
money, where the basis for morality and shared values in the
production of items is now being handled by an oppositional
agenda, seemingly. A type of soft warfare.  Devaluing if not
contaminating the very basis for economy, a policy reversing
the dynamics of a strong currency by making what is being
sold less and less of value, via corroding and deteriorating
its ability to be sustained, where even obsolescence cannot
work because what is replaced is of ever decreasing value.

A toaster is a toaster is a toaster until it stops functioning as
a toaster and effectively fails at its task. Across categories
this is the state of what is being bought and sold. Especially
perhaps in the realm of ideas, where on the surface things
appear to be functioning one way, even conspiratorially, yet
something else altogether may be going on, still unnoticed.

Maybe the question is 'design', how things are conceived of
and developed, and maybe the question is control, how the
ideas are realized, by what means, in what way, and maybe
all of this involves a complexity that is staggering given the
various other social, economic, and political forces involved,
that it is amazing such a state of affairs is still being propped
up without collapsing in upon itself due to its unsustainability.
Or maybe that is the point, or rather, the state. That the state
itself reflects and creates and 'justifies' this entire process by
its very being, that 'being moderate' allows for all of this and
that by going along with things, with education, with lowered
standards and compromises, ends up with such a solution.
Unviable, unenviable except perhaps to those who worship
money and make it their cause above all else, who compete
and run such enterprise, that is, in a best of worlds scenario.

Where is the desire in this? The desire for money, certainly
there are those who have that particular disease and they
are most active today. It could easily be brought down into
a more vulgar realm, say, if considering this type of money
could be separated from truth, and instead represent a type
of power (over truth) and that is the basis for value, authority,
control, governance and representation and therefore also
the model of the state, its politics. Money, lucre, can even be
held in a seemingly more noble view, whereby it actually is
connected with gold, and via this route into the metaphysics,
to myth and legend that ground this money in a realm of the
deities, pagan and not. And thus a 'myth rich landscape' is
potentially opened up, perhaps it is Apollo on high, the sun-
god who commands the economy and fortunes of others, etc.

Yet, instead of virtue, what if the money, the gold, represents
vice and the immoral and unethical and injustice is instituted
by way of this money, as state policy. This money then would
be storing and carrying what kind of value? This is where it is
possible to consider the role of the primary bodily functions of
a person, as it relates to themes of money and basic exchange.

What if, instead of birth and growth and development the form
of money represents death and decay, even as if it is ideal?
This is where gold and excrement are related, and where shit
can have inordinate value seemingly well beyond any reason.
And it could be tied to a type of corruption, as it is standardized.

In today's economy, you can go to a store and assume that a
given item can be purchased and get burned on any number
of things, where the exchange is unequal.  The money can be
exchanged yet the item does not meet basic expectations, in
that it does not work well at its task or is even designed to fail.
Thus, in this unequal or unfair exchange a type of ripoff occurs
and money can be expropriated via a devalued product or item.
You pay for something that is not received, yet oftentimes it is
not possible to get the money back without losing more money,
so it becomes a question of compromises upon compromises.
If there is an excess of money, it may be possible to absorb
these 'errors' though if limited in finances, it is in the sale and
return of items that fewer and fewer options can be found,
except perhaps at much higher cost, which still does not
guarantee any functional or quality improvements.  (On an
unrelated note: high-priced plastic furniture always strikes
me as entirely odd, how such items can sell for more than
computer systems, perhaps akin to art market dealings).

In any case, the role of creating and selling junk for profit, in
which "society" loses, in a simplistic local model/viewpoint,
is that 'money really does grow on trees', if money is shit. If
everything that is being sold is of such an inferior approach
that even paying for it is absurd, given the dynamics involved:
pay to cancer from the produce or processed foods; pay to
get the latest influenza virus from the DVD movie kiosk, etc.
Add the computer operating system into this scenario or that
of city planning, and this institutionalized antagonism is hard
to ignore, i.e. the state has been overrun by hostile forces.
And this evidences the need to destroy the state to save it,
via its constitution, no less. World end games and so on.

The idea involved in money as shit, and this as a basis for
'economy' could be considered historical. A fictitious view
could be generated about cavemen sitting around a fire,
before whittling away at stones, to exchange their favorite
dinosaur turds for other things. Though other options exist.
For instance, it is possible to enter these considerations into
a context of symbolism, that gold and money and excrement
all exist within and have established meaning as mentioned.
And thus archetypes and cultural structures can be tied into
these issues and dynamics, their symbolism and interaction,
and it is proposed that this view could correlate with that of
'the tree of death', in the realm that is grounded in sexuality.

If the basis for exchange is money, and primary to this is
the ability to relate two or more people, to mediate such a
transaction, it has been assumed that at the foundation of
this monetary principle is truth, a grounded condition of a
shared value that becomes the basis for this transaction.
It would imply elements of inherent trust, shared values
or morality, and a type of guarantee about the exchange,
that what is true is true, and if it is not, then it is not a fair
exchange and needs to be remediated and resolved. In
other words, money could potentially represent a shared
truth, shared value, and then it would symbolize this also
in terms of the work and labor of people, as represented
by this currency -- that it accurately relates to their own
contributions, that it stores and represent the values of
previous ancestors even, if it is correlated in this way,
versus a symbol of the devaluation of the exchange,
the way people get ripped off by the currency, etc.

So what is the truth of this money? What if the money is
not representing or standing-in for 'shared truth' and is
instead symbolic of this economic rip-off where money
is the basis for expropriating labor and other resources,
(time, energy) and introduces inefficiencies galore, and
functions counter to economy, to improvement, growth
in the sense of improvement and optimized functioning-
What if the money itself is regressive? Backwards and
functioning against these principles, where it is falsity
that becomes the foundational basis for exchange and
where the unequal exchange is institutionalized so that
these dynamics of the merging local-global state can do
what is necessary to attain primitive planetary functioning.

The implications for such an assumption are immense.
Because there are whole layers of societal agendas that
are reliant upon this monetary system, itself corrupted,
that then must conform to its corrosive values in terms of
basic profit/loss evaluations and 'accounting' in this given
distorted/warped framework, whereby truth equals falsity.
So there is an inversion involved, and this is where such
grounding of 'political-economy' and culture and the state
feasibly need to occur to simply keep things running as is.
What does it mean? Especially when communication and
discourse and jobs and education are added atop this as
if they are able to influence any of it without actually getting
into that level of the muck, enough to do anything about it.
Meaning, spectacle, as if antibiotic treatments for a super-
disease that absorbs and co-opts the treatment if not even
manages them internally, to appease and use opposition
for further expansion and extension of these principles.
So, how many a soapbox is actually part of this economy,
getting checks and provided food for seeming opposition
that actually is entirely invested in the ideology allowing
this functioning to exist and persist in every other area.

It is increasingly funny in this world when someone is
railing against the poor who are stuck in this system, in
that it is designed for imprisoning a population, weeding
out undesirables in the populace, to then being scorned
for this as if by choice, a value-judgement, this condition;
welfare or social security. And yet, the very ideas used to
justify that perspective are based in lies and upholding &
supporting the oppressiveness institutionalized in the
money itself, the lie it encapsulates, as if it alone is able
to determine the truth involved:  judge, jury, executioner.
The world today is certainly is a fool's paradise, writ large.

The devaluation and essentially debasement of monetary
exchange is at the core of the same dynamics within the
language and communication of people within society.
The values are the same, the same falsity is foundation
for exchange, the same assumptions, ignored or exploited,
can be wielded to effect results via feedback, depending on
what kind of power a person has, though institutionally it is
seen to be at the level of superconductance, friction-free,
the principles given fluid motion throughout all aspects of
the state as it relates to a privatized agenda for those who
most covet money, placing people, society, culture at a
far distance, and given speciation, it is possible that this
is an anti-human agenda, given the devastating results.

Further, 'intellectualism' cannot be disconnected from this
agenda and its context for exchanging ideas, particularly
in regard to self-serving bureaucracy and the effects of a
state that rejects its own ideals for lesser goals of a few.
The views that represent and are normalized and are to
be used to communicate shared visions are thus deficient
to adequately address the actual grounded dynamics that
exist beyond their limited, often self-serving frameworks.
Ideas are replaced by ideological assumptions and the
true questioning is weeded out for systematic answering.
As if thought only involves a search and reply function.

~ terms of psychic warfare ~

So far the concepts of desire and political-economy have
moved into a realm of shit as a basis for exchange between
people. There could be erotic precedence for some in that
this could be seen as liberatory. This could be unleashing
of the forces aligned with said shit, and giving it The State.
Here, run your experiment -- we will be observing the results.

The sensual or sexual or erotic aspect of the desire to have
money, its power, the authority it allows, could drive people
to do strange things, make concessions along the way so as
to obtain things in this lifetime. Throw morals aside, ethics,
focus only on the self, etc. Or, focus on a limited reality that
is not accurate and actively harms others in exchange for
wealth. And how this could create a dynamic, an engine
for commerce, where exchanges provide further fuel for
this scenario and the accompanying agendas.  It could
involve people of any political persuasion, seemingly.
It could involve anyone at any level within the economy,
given their decision-making, how they 'profit' as it were.
Where they are grounded, in greater truth or this falsity.

It brings up comparison to conceptions of heaven & hell,
good and evil, potentially. I mean, who is the exchange
happening with - who is the person on the other side of
the exchange and who am I, to myself and in their eyes?

It would be relevant, for instance, if the exchange were
to happen between an humanoid-ape person and an
actual human being.  The assumptions, values, and
culture would not be the same and this could create an
inherent distortion if not antagonism in the exchange.
It would be different also if there was a cyborg person,
for exchanges between their group would be different
than those outside of it, potentially, regarding the role
of self-interest. Especially in an antagonistic context.
For instance if there is a massive cloned population
and only a few humans, that this societal inequality
and unshared condition, even while unstated or not
addressed, would then be a basis for exploitation-
where a wizard could expropriate cultural resources
and time-traveling bandits could steal secrets and
inventions prior to their development, as seen in
sci-fi movies, and that this could also be involved
in evaluating scenarios of antagonistic exchange.

Then, a scenario where all of these exist together,
overlapped, robots, humanoid apes, cyborgs and
clones, humans, and that this population then is
mediating historical assumptions of 'shared culture'
while not having this be the real basis of existence,
nor 'shared values' which then are meted out in the
germ & chemical warfare of everyday environments,
people compensated for sneezing on others as acts
of war, albeit unacknowledged, in a Vietnam conflict
that has yet to end, allowed such leniency because it
is not openly talked about or discussed by pundits in
ways that would enable doing something about these
and various other hostile actions. Where's balance?

So the sickness is instituted and quietism as a method
enables it to continue, at risk of not being able to deal
with any of it because there is no grounded truth to the
reality -in the public realm- at the same time pageantry
of 'society' and 'culture' are embalmed via television &
glossy magazines that celebrity really does represent
us, and movies tell our stories and we are on the right
path and just need to believe, to conform, to give into it.
Its a choice you make - what level the concessions go.

So, in a realm of appearances everyone surrendered.
Took the hit. Bore down and are maintaining their core
functioning although out of communication, no activated
networks to enact changes at the scales and in the ways
needed to deal with the final question and first questions.
Apparently. Instead, listening to the silence, to the white
noise, dreaming and suffering in agony day by new day.
And so a literalist may be shocked at how little is possible,
where is everyone, it may not make any sense at all, for
the subtle realms may not be perceivable in their context,
and this calls for instruction, tutoring, education, to learn.
It takes time, energy, research and study. Contemplation,
reflection, what is going on, what is true, who am I, who
are you, what are my values, what are our shared values,
what are our differences, my differences, my short-circuits,
their short-circuits, where is the antagonism, where are
the bubbles, what are the critical failures that require a
new design, what is possible, what is impossible yet
still needs to happen, and how can anything be done?


* On identity *

Back into a realm of psychology, symbology, and archetypes,
and in that, the aim of addressing desire as a theme relating
to money. It is presumed that an individual exists and that
they have inherent physical grounding though this may not
be 'healthy' in relation to themselves or the environment. It
would be a question of their functioning and their relations.

IF sexuality is a basis for identity, and thus there is a male
or a female identity involved, this could inform what kind of
currency may exist for establishing exchange between their
various combinations. It could be assumed that, for instance,
a male could be identified by their XY chromosome pair and
females by their XX pair, with accommodations for variance.

This structural difference between humans as differentiated
by their sexual organs can be evaluated in terms of originary
exchange scenarios, perhaps as cave-man portrayals though
perhaps metaphysically more accurate as of ancient wisdom.

Themes of growth, decay, fertility, development, exchange,
shared value, these could also be based in relations between
people, or even of a given individual with their own existence.

At a certain point it becomes clear that the sensual connection
is its own form of basic exchange, which in marriage can be
the foundation for larger society and its shared functioning.

Thus the conception of a child between a male and female,
as a way to evaluate shared exchange is worth considering.

It is not simply that male sperm and the female egg are money,
though each are investments that become a shared transaction
that can result in a development beyond either resource alone.
The genetics, so too, could be considered in terms of stored
value, if not information, given value to this shared exchange.

And so XY and XX interact in a sensual relation and in this
interaction many dynamics are interwoven and exchanged,
where an equilibrium between the two could be established,
leading to the greater health of both, or dysfunction could
exist and make this relation impossible to sustain. The basic
male and female relation then could be focused on sexuality,
as a way of grounding the relation, in a given circumstance,
and thus it depends on how you relate to the other person,
what their interests are, how you communicate and so on.

Ultimately, in that particular scenario, a child could be born
(produced) out of this marriage union, if possible, and that
in this exchange or transfer of sperm with egg and resulting
baby, that the resources invested could then be shared in
terms of values, morality, ethics, society, building upon this
initial condition, institutionalizing it within a family structure,
and that this forms of pillar of society as its core social unit.
At least it once did, or the nuclear family was promoted as
such, of parents and two children, ideally a boy and a girl.

What does this have to do with desire and political-economy?
What does love and sensual caring and commitment to an-
other have to do with exchange - well, this connection could
be considered prior to or more important than paper money,
in terms of its value. The truth involved in a shared connection
with another being, the health and life and freedom it affords,
the opportunities to live and laugh and sing and dance, etc.

Yet what if society has broken down and this very institution
of marriage has been dismantled so that the state performs
the function of parenting, and at its core is a sexual division,
an oppositional and antagonistic dynamic that becomes the
basis for competing social forces rather than unified views?

What if the exchanges were happening in subgroups such
as between only males (XY <=> XY) or only within groups
of females (XX <=> XX) where the sexual dynamics may
involve similar themes such as love and building a life
together, though may not develop via the same shared
principles, and may even be in opposition to them?

For instance, what if the issue of contraception is evaluated
in terms of birth control, or more extremely, abortion- where
a developing fetus is aborted thus limiting the development.

Whereas having a child for a married male-female couple
could be a realm of establishing a type of currency via this
sensual exchange, the ability to not have this occur and to
control the growth could function in an inverted way, with
a different type of economy involved, that functions on an-
other set of principles, which may even be divided within
the set of women or females, such that the supergroup is
not sharing the same set of values and is set against itself
via this basis for exchange between women and others.

Thus a fracturing or division within the group. Now with an
issue like abortion if these were human children it may be
one set of principles, whereas if the child aborted is of an-
other group with unshared principles, perhaps it could be
a different scenario in terms of what actually is occurring.
Perhaps the issue exists in a more complex dynamic than
is talked about and that development is more contentious
than a universal view, especially if it is being exploited.

These observations are unclear, vague and blurry. The
gist was to get to the point that, like shit, or along with shit,
there is cum and there are eggs and this could also be at
issue in establishing basic relations between people that
are so foundational they scale up structurally and go on
to form the basis for society, its institutions and culture.

Destroy the family unit, destroy sexual dynamic between
and within the sexes and then things are quite different.
These changed relations could bring about the end of
the culture, the end of civilization, instead. This results
from the further and further subdivision of relations with
one another versus the increased accumulation of these
forces into a balanced whole. A flattened relativistic and
chaotic nothingness versus an ordered empirical state.
This is where mainstream views of individual liberty can
and often do function against the shared state of affairs.
One person's victory is many others defeat, and this is
repeated ad absurdum over & over to every last detail,
until the entire society is fractured and opposed to itself.
Language being without grounding does not help. It is
impossible to communicate about what is going on as
this is not the goal, the goal is to allow its procession.

So, if entering into a realm of the erotic, of desire, the
role of shit with regard to exchange may correspond
with the erotic ass, and this could be related across
sexes and genders and orientations. It may still be a
major taboo in the overall culture, though not within
a more sexually liberated if not more literate & mature
sexual subculture, whereby the erotic value of the ass
is recognized, for gay males, gay females, as well as
sensuous ass lovers of male and female couplings.
For instance, an incredibly luscious ass could make
someone delirious and this could be the reason they
marry another, for a lifetime commitment. It just is how
it is. And how could this be separated from a realm of
values and exchange -- I need that ass in my life? It is
a realm of all kinds of kinky erotics, though also there
is a sacredness not only to the aesthetics involved,
though also to the symbology of the ass in culture.
The point is that ass can have currency, be currency.
A great ass could change a persons views on life.

The best portrayer of this erotic potential of the ass is
Tinto Brass, Italian porno filmmaker, [1] and it is not
of a vulgar realm, altogether, and instead- exalted.
A real education for those sensually inclined to truth,
because beyond the taboo, beyond the profaneness
of saying what is, is a great truth than may be other-
wise imagined, perhaps revelatory in certain contexts,
and this goes very deeply into culture and sacred texts.
In that, so too, while forbidden, it is also essential, and
an issue of how these dynamics & forces are mediated.

In terms of life and death, birth and decay, shit itself is
aligned with the latter while cum and eggs are with the
themes of fertilization, in a given perspective. Though
perhaps the ass is not just about death, or perhaps it
involves a different economy than just shit, and what
is glorified may be another pleasure, another virtue
that remains within a shared set of cultural principles,
albeit hidden and encoded as a way to maintain its
own truth, so it does not become vulgar as all else.

So the idea here is about a human being who can be
divided into a sex, male or female, and this brings with
it various dynamics for exchange in a realm of desire,
which ultimately have effects at the level of the state,
via how relations with self and others are developed.

If no one had any children the state could collapse
for lack of workers and people to run the machinery.
If an entire culture was homosexual it may require a
state where the mothering or fathering would be done
outside the family, by the state, or where children are
born in test-tubes, because of these given dynamics.
And this would impact how people are able to relate.
Perhaps traditional families would be in the minority,
traditional values, where corporate missions replace
goals of the church or synagogue for development.
Towards what ideals, towards whose benefit, then?
Meaning, after accounting for all the dynamics of all
the choices and all small decision-making involved.
What is the end result- a new society or this society?

So, exchange and shared and unshared values as
this relates to truth. Are a person's assumptions about
their own activity grounded in truth, for such exchanges,
or may they be short-circuiting or even grounded in a
falsity, that while believed, does not correspond to the
dynamics of the situation, and thus the notions of self-
governance and willful action may be inaccurate if not
delusionary, bringing one to ruin instead of liberation?

The purpose of mentioning the chromosomal patterns
was that perhaps these establish different currencies
in relationships:  XX--XX,  XX--XY,  XY--XY, and so on.

And yet, given psychology and psychoanalysis, it is
possible that gender dynamics within and between the
sexes offers further layers of complexity for relations.
For instance, with the male Anima and female Animus.

This is straight out of alchemy as well as of the cultural
foundation of the alchemical marriage as a balancing
of the forces in a human relationship, between male
and female in a shared union, while acknowledging
and celebrating the male aspects of the female and
the female aspects of the male as vital to this process.

Astrologer Rob Brezsny said it best when describing
the concept of a male lesbian. [2]  It is in this phrase
that a sacred truth is possibly still perceived profane,
yet within every male there are also aspects of the
originating female, which is inherent in being human.

This best describes my own nature, in particular when
growing up and being attuned emotionally yet out of
place amongst other boys. Having hips perhaps had
forced this via embarrassment and feeling awkward,
yet my nature did not align similarly nor as easily as
others, via the sexual roles that are socially expected.
Just to provide a wakeup call, George H.W. Bush has
mentioned his own similar hip issue as inconvenient
enough to cause public self-reflection on this issue.
It is likely few would question his manliness or his
masculineness, yet his feminine quality remains a
part of his psyche, and I think this honesty is seldom
possible to express the way relations are today.

One thing that always gets me is how those who pose
as the most masculine or as dominant males are the
ones who gain from that assumed role in society, a
type of coupon perhaps for styling your hair a certain
way or wearing a costume, yet when the time arrives
for real action, for someone to put their life on the line
and take an unending brutal beating for those they love,
that that kind of male, a real man, does not seem to exist.
So again, the image of something, the image of a strong
male, which then is exactly opposite, his very impotence.
A male who sacrifices versus those who are only acting
or benefiting from mediocrity which serves their agenda.
So where are the males with shared values, principles.

It is assumed they exist in Heidegger's standing reserve.
Someone, buried within this culture is such an order still
exists, dormant, waiting, organizing, connecting, right now.

So, can a strong male also have a feminine dimension,
or can a strong female also have a masculine dimension.
Of course. Desired, human, healthy, alchemically erotic.

"So a guy walks into a store and purchases a pink dildo..."

What does this mean in terms of political-economics and
society -- what is the currency of that exchange, not only
as money, though also as currency, that a male may have
discovered they have an ass? Are they homosexual by
default? Any good Mason would probably be especially
quiet at this point. Because perhaps this is an issue more
to do with maturity and secret knowledge than it has to do
with sexual politics, and maybe awakening the female in
the male is an important and *revolutionary* project that
involves a type of creative destruction or vice versa, in
that it forces a psychological showdown with the self,
with how a person is grounded and how they relate to
their own self (look in the mirror) and beyond to others,
so that perhaps this XX-XX relation is between a male
and a female or two males, even, in the larger scheme
of things.  And this, not even in a sexualized context of
the physical exchange, though of the natural dynamics
that these flows and forces instill, inhabit and allow for.
This is knowledge, truth grounded in the body, that is
mediated in the mind, in the emotions: what is your
balance?  Where are the dynamics of your mother
and fathering- what kind of unique and individual
circuit do you compose, what are your dysfunctions,
where do you excel, where is your health, vitality?

It is often presumed this is sexual, this drive, yet what
if it is actually spiritual, divine - yet this considered in
relation to being grounded in truth, being one with the
best in nature, at its highest levels. Perhaps a generator
of desire is this grounded truth, where power arises from,
and engaging it, interacting with it, learning and growing
from it is a different experience than turning away from it,
denying or ignoring it. It is the difference between what
is of highest virtue and the lowliest realm of baseness.
So, in such a context, perhaps turning away from a divine
ass is itself a kind of ignorance if a higher truth is ignored.
And perhaps this is a right of passage, and even has its
own associated cultic dimension via classic mythology,
evidencing the wealth and richness of the deep culture.

"So, a woman goes into an online store and purchases
a dildo harness..."

What does it mean? Perhaps it is for lesbian sex, so be it.
Though perhaps it is for her developing relation with her
boyfriend or husband or mate, so that she can experience
a different perspective in her psychological, physical and
emotional relation in this sensuous realm. Let's say it: this
is getting kinky. It is. It is kinky and kinky can be good and
it can be weird strange and very bad. Good kinky is one
thing, bad kinky is another. Values, morality, ethics, etc.

Consider it an experiment and if this type of interaction is
able to open up the dimension of the animus, the male
aspect in the female, it could bring a liberating dynamic
into that relation that begins to balance across the other
shared circuits as well. It is hard to imagine given how
wonderfully horny older women appear to be, that after
a certain age of marriage most have not figured out a
way to convince the husband that this is a good thing.
Really. An issue of maturity and growth for both. And
that this could be about investment, and in its own way,
about exchange, including the ass and the symbolic
phallus, as this may be evaluated via such symmetry.
There is plenty erotic to go around in these realms.
Including a significant learning curve, embarrassment,
psychological and social hardening, and at a certain
point- a letting go, because the truth involved is much
greater than the embarrassment of those too young to
understand or too afraid to seek sensuous grounding.
It is probably the number one way to reboot the self,
if done at an age where balance is already attained,
where it is a new experience or stage of life and with
that change another understanding is made available.

What that is may involve the larger culture, many works
previously established and shared, an atmosphere of
truth and of relations that goes beyond the common-
place and exists in another realm, because everything
changes and what was true before remains true and
what was not fully true requires modification, further
consideration, and this opens up potential for insight.

The goal of this is heath and human individuation as
it relates to these issues. The key of this idea is that of
the human being as containing both sexes in a single
person, and this as a basis for individual identity and
in particular, as a basis for interpretation, for relating
with the self and others and the world that exists. This
hermetic condition and the classical role of Hermes is
thus connected to the hermaphroditic quality involved,
where the union involves not only that with or through
another person, (mediating the self through another),
though also primarily with the person and their own
self, their male and female dynamics finding balance.
Both male and female in the man, for instance. Or both
male and female in the woman. This makes a bit more
sense of identifying as a male lesbian, especially with
regard to lipstick lesbians who do not hate all males.
In that that hypersensual quality, that realm of female
lust could also be related to via the female aspect of
the male lesbian, adored or wanted or desired, and
yet various other combinations of connection could
also exist, though where powerful beautiful sensuous
women are of extreme value, across these XX -- XY
dynamics, including the female personality being
dominant in a realm of ideas and exchange and not
relegated to listening or being subordinate and lesser,
as seems to be the case in couplings within mediocrity.

Two things of note regarding general themes: one is of
circuitry, each person being a circuit. The other is about
beauty, and the realm of society as it relates to currency.

The latter is easier to convey- look at the images that are
said to represent female beauty -- effectively they are the
opposite of any aspect or quality of beauty or eroticism.
Such as with fashion models, magazines and television -
a warped and distorted version (copies of copies) have
replaced the real event with its inferior substitute and this
is self-evident.  *If true beauty were to be revealed it would
be revolutionary* and would devalue all representations
and attempts at signifying 'this over here is => beautiful'.
Because it actually is not. It is ungrounded, based in that
corruption of the exchange, the trade-off of power that
determines what will be conveyed / portrayed as truth.
So, women starving themselves or having excessive
habits of consumption only to land the fake guy with
money, or even to go without and just keep up with
the appearances to function within this society, it is
still fundamentally against women, the value of the
human female, her life and livelihood and especially
her loving connection with others, with her potential
mate, who likewise was weeded out a long time ago.
The grotesque, gargoyles of the corrupted state stand-
in for beauty and it is revulsive. Aesthetically sickening.
What do you do about that. What is involved. Who is
making these decisions against beauty, truth, and
these greatest pleasures of aesthetic experience?
These dynamics that form the basis for human union.

The first idea was about circuitry.  The inherent circuitry
of the human being as it relates to sexual and gender
and social / familial dynamics, in an archetypal context.
A male, for instance, could be assumed to contain within
them the experience or potential perspectives of a baby,
a child, a son, a brother, a man, a husband, a grandfather,
and other dynamics. He may also have mothering aspects,
and through his upbringing, if having a sister, may have a
symmetry within him of her traits and qualities, identifiable
as her influence or characteristics that can be called upon.
The male then has a range of these dynamics as would a
female, including daughter, mother, wife, and so on. This
would include virgin and whore, of course.  It could include
sexy nun, some form of feral cat, or perhaps sex fiend given
the holiday schedule and the phases of the moon, and the
health of the relationship, if any. The point being that any
of these dynamics could feasibly be involved in relations
between the self and the self (a woman with herself, for
instance) and if they are grounded in truth, accurate and
constructive not dysfunctional, they could be or become
a basis for relating with another. Thus a middle-age man
and a middle-age woman may inherently have a mother-
son dynamic, which may never even need to be talked
about because it is inherent, known via intuition and of
implicit grounded physical connection.  A young boy
may love his teacher or other mothers for their beauty,
and they may know this, and this may also be a type of
currency - potentially sacred if respected, though also
a realm of potential danger if unhealthy or exploited.

So these individual circuits, their balancing or imbalance,
relate to issues of health and issues of dysfunction and
illness and disease. Also, into a realm of short-circuiting,
where people may seek to relate in their dysfunctioning,
where this is the basis for the relating.  Perhaps it could
be good, leading to growth, self-awareness, refinement
and improvement, and perhaps it could also be very bad,
leading to regression, falsity, lack of grounding, etc. The
big issue seems to be that this governance & awareness
of the self, the ability to understand and relate to the world
in this way can also be subverted, just like the monetary
system and its currency can be used against economy.
So too, sexuality can be used against sexuality, lust can
function against love, turning into an exchange of hate.

Core to this is the problem with abuse of many kinds,
though specifically sexual abuse in relation to these
particular issues of desire.  Perhaps some people are
broken by others, their circuitry is subverted and then
they are never able to gain 'natural functioning' in the
society and with others as a result of this.  It could be
incest with a family member or other abuse. Mine has
involved having 30+ years of nightmares, a result of
having my nervous system attacked and my puberty
tied into my need to urinate.  Thus causing my sexual
development to be subducted under the increased &
constant urge to urinate, i.e. childhood incontinence
that went unaddressed, and turned me against my
self, in terms of physical functioning, where regularly
I would wake screaming from these past events, and
my regular dreams involved toilets, having to pee,
and monsters attacking me. Decades of such dreams.
As if only a fiction. Because it was not acknowledged,
The difference between night and day were confused.
Truth and falsity exchanged. I was labeled as crazy.

Eventually the worst happened, at the time of my
most aware observations of the world I was in direct
conflict with the bureaucracy, while to cope with the
craziness of this environment and relations I had a
concoction of pills and alcohol and eventually these
dynamics climaxed upon a moment where I believe
I accessed an essential truth about the world, with
another person who for me connected across all the
dots that existed, yet this connection would never be
possible to attain or sustain in this world. Yet these
involved emotions, the truth of this connection and
to behold a true goddess, true beauty, intelligence,
it overwhelmed me and in an epic realm of tragedy
day and night were confused and the worst occurred.
A result of love, grounded truth, desire, & true need.
For me it was my encounter with God on this Earth.
Within that moment my life was completely destroyed.
My desire was tied to my need to urinate and I thought
I was dreaming or lost the inhibition due to an altered
state and the damage caused by decades of ignoring
the abuse involved were revealed in my epic failure.
What for me is sacred seed was spilled, gloriously.
In honor of divine love. The monster in all of those
nightmares became me, the toilet and piss had their
currency deviously exchanged for urban wilderness
& ejaculation. The feelings overwhelmed, and it was
not possible to control these dynamics.  It was as if,
with a dream, it never happened, because the two
realities were separated from one another, the night-
mare denied, only to become my primary reality yet
with the real monster slipping out of sight. Once it
was realized this occurred the ability to govern the
situation was regained and I checked myself into a
mental hospital for treatment, though it was difficult
to figure out what was actually going on, what was
real and what was not.  To separate these dynamics
from the abuse which overlapped the need to urinate,
to find relief from this constant pressure to use the
bathroom and constant thirst, from that same need
being tied to desire, its subversion, then enabled
the resulting dynamics to occur. These issues were
never formally addressed, only informally though it
has been for years and years trying to atone for this
and fix my broken body from the dynamics instilled,
to try to attain health even with that shameful action.

The reason I write of this is not only to acknowledge
what is the unsaid in relations with others, though is
an important reality, it is to seek a true accounting &
justice in a situation that often involves subverters
who are not held responsibility and then scapegoat
the symptom of a larger societal and social disease.
A lie that is allowed to persist within the institutions.

And I know there are others like me, who have to deal
with these issues, often all alone, and this often is tied
into relationships, health and illness, psychology and
the ability to even communicate about the truth that is
involved. For instance, my problems were known by
others yet not dealt with and distanced me socially
so that relations have always been limited by this
physical and physiological deficit. It determines a lot
if not most of what I can do, requiring parameters for
my functioning that most fortunately do not have to
deal with similarly.  Another person may have had
their father seduce them and have had incestuous
relations, and as an adult this may have influenced
how they relate to themselves and others socially
and emotionally. It can cause extreme damage,
and is tragic because what can be destroyed is
the ability to connect with others within the truth
of love, even in these contexts, yet people are
isolated and alone and often functioning against
one another by default, as that is the way things
are designed. Yet health can also be regained.

It is the very idea of each person having their own
circuitry, their own unique life, and how this relates
in the realm of desire, sexuality and sensuality that
these areas of a person's life that are broken or are
short-circuiting could, by relating with another who
understands these dynamics, seek to heal through
this relation. This may sound profane because the
way it is conveyed is for expedience, though if the
archetypes of the bad father or bad mother were to
be involved in these bad and tragic events, and if
another person, a surrogate could function as the
good father or good mother were to interact with
this person in these same emotional dynamics,
then there is every possibility that the circuits of
the self could be reprogrammed and remapped
into new and different functioning, opening up
new options and alternatives to those stagnant
memories and stalled out development that is
limited or malfunctioning by this tragic past and
its ongoing presence in one's governing behavior.

This is a realm of love, caring, compassion, truth.
Beating someone with a whip for ego-gratification
is not the same thing, or pursuing a negative or
destructive, regressive dynamic, in most cases as
a matter of course. Or so it would seem. Thus, it is
to ask a question in this strange space occupied by
the unsayable, yet where desire is often trapped or
incapacitated or functions against itself, where is
the truth in these situations, within a person and
between human beings, and how might dynamics
such as these be reevaluated in the actual context
they exist within, versus the one that is sold via the
media which requires to the distortion for exchange?

Perhaps loving connections as a form of relating
to others also is about that equilibrium required in
a healthy self, of someone who understands their
own condition and can responsibly govern and
develop themselves toward their highest potential,
versus functioning against their self and others by
trying to relate on inauthentic terms of existence,
as defined and propagated and enforced by the
state. And what if this libidinal economy, in truth,
involves all truth, not just the ejaculatory event of
sperm bursting into the external realm of the male,
as if Vesuvius blasting itself into the atmosphere,
which may describe its iconicism in male memory,
as a sign, this is sex, this is success (or failure, as
the case may be, given the inversion of principles).

What if, instead, in the deeper cultural questioning
of this externalization of this internal pressure, this
upwelling dynamic, that it is not of the male domain
alone, and instead, the male ego is not the only or
should be the only consciousness externalized for
the exchange of ideas, communication, and truth?

This is to say that perhaps like with the ass and the
dildo harness in a male-female relationship, that
so too, as the male may learn of a female organism
within their own body, via the prostrate gland and
a whole body sensation, so too, the (spiritual) goal
for a grounded sensual and loving connection may
be that the woman experience an externalization of
her sensuality, lust, and her power, in that through
this spraying of the waterfall of female ejaculation-
that the conditions of harmony required to enable
this, the work that is necessary to allow for such
dynamics -the health, trust, and circuitry touched-
then become their own reward through grounding
the internal need with the great external joy that
such an event can be, because psychologically it
is a different animal altogether. It does not rely on
the female and woman to be passive, it does not
require for her to 'become a man' to have her life
be balanced across her range of dynamics, and
it cherishes and celebrates her mind, her health,
and her consciousness, as being equally and
impressively important in a relationship between
a male and female. Yet it probably involves work.
Its about the journey, not the destination. If it is
not a pure connection it may never be possible.
Yet perhaps it is a potential, requiring decisions.
It is not about females ejaculating externally as
a fetish or as a thing itself, it is this climax with
themselves, to be able to relate to the self and
be in tune in this way, and-or through another to
have this connection with truth and sensual lust
made accessible and available in an everyday
long-lasting relationship, as such a standard.
That is, the health of the shared pleasure of this.
That it is important. For everyone, and of value.

In terms of an alchemical marriage, then, this to
me would bring the balance actually missing from
the present day political-economics involving the
issues of desire, sex and gender orientations, and
so on. It would also provide an option for reframing
homosexuality as it may relate to the options for a
different approach, where a masculine woman may
be attracted to an effeminate man, versus a less-
masculine woman for her or a more masculine man
for him, and that is where the magic dildo appears.
Perhaps there is more variance to the dimensions
of human sensuality than these Lesbian/Gay and
other dynamics envision, as politics, as policies,
as ideologies- perhaps this is about a realm of
shared values, bringing everyone under the same
tent prior to the end times and given the option of
a potentially better path, versus if someone had
problems that influenced their functioning, such
as uncaring parenting or sexual molestation or
incest, that perhaps if this truth was mediated in
sensual relationships, that healing could occur
by addressing and engaging these dynamics
versus ignoring them. Looking or turning away.
Because turning away is turning away from the
self that is needed to make the right decisions,
to be aware and to contribute to a shared realm.

In other words, what if the beauty and truth of
love were found in unexpected coupling, that
exist outside the databases of online dating
sites and cruising scenarios, and instead, the
possibility were to exist that there are people
to relate to in these deeper, more grounded
dynamics that can lead toward greater health,
via the interactions, via the sacrificial practice
of letting go of clinging to the present fiction
and taking a chance on living to a greater,
more enrichening potential, living life fully,
versus in some false categorization that is
determining social and cultural interactions.
It is not against the fact that people are gay or
homosexual or have real issues to deal with,
and it is acknowledged everyone is unique to
some extent. Yet if there is going to be a single
state, on the basis of shared value, only those
on board are going to be allowed to participate.
Shared principles, shared truth is a requirement.
Checks and balances, error-correction, fallibility,
yet denying things or disregarding the impact of
decision-making would be of the enemy camp.
It would be to choose wrong over right, falsity
over truth, and everyone has had enough of it.

The funny thing about all this is that it is taboo.
Masturbation itself, a basis for knowing the self
and how the self functions sexually, a basis for
creating society via the most profound of these
social relations (by creating a child together),
are based in sexual health, which involves and
is required for mental health. Much mental illness
and depression could be linked to unaddressed
or unacknowledged issues of sexual dysfunction
or trauma, as it is ultimately grounded this way,
for better or worse. What I have learned is that
it is not normal to have pressure in your body
all the time, that it is not normal to have such
desire and have it feel as a pressure that is
uncomfortable and causes conflict. And it has
been years of trying to mediate these negative
dynamics to try to find what the real balance is
and can be, where the health is found within an
unideal condition. My heroine in this is a woman
on a female catheter commercial on television,
in an advertisement for Liberator Medical, [3]
a gorgeous and intelligent being who makes
using a female catheter sound sexy and this is
to me something of the same thing. People have
real problems, and people may reject me or an-
other because of a history of having to deal with
pissing all the time, it was not my decision and
I was not made this way, yet I have to deal with it.
She is dealing with her circumstances and could
not be sexier. And maybe there are others like her
in the social realm who are not freaked out by piss
to the extent that they reject someone all together,
due to this imperfection. Maybe they understand,
maybe there can be shared understanding, and
this also involves the realm of kinkiness, because
when dealing with human sexuality eventually the
themes of blood, piss, shit, cum, saliva and sweat
will be encountered, mediated, if not grounded.

What is said when this is said? For me it is about
human connections that transcend the misery of
existing tyranny and provide hope and a potential
for love and intelligent connections within the world
that are not base or debased, and instead- divine.

Within the boundary (or economy) of human union
it is be possible that the infinite could be accessed
and what is now inaccessible could be unlocked,
released, erupting as a latent force into society,
as a foundation of a new and much better world.
This includes our oppressing each other by actions
that are based in ignorance, or by turning away from
the truth. The higher truth, not just any truth. A type
of accounting for overall truth, versus seeking to limit
it.  Bin Laden mentioned this in his conveyances and
it was a great lesson about life, that evil is born out of
ignorance. And thus, at its core falsity and adherence
to the false, exchanging and relating through it can
bring this ignorance and idiocy into a fictive realm of
representation, shadow plays on Plato's cave wall,
these electronic media devices, websites, artworks.

Its the same for the abusers who hide in the shadows,
attacking through stealth, disappearing without any
consequence. Then holding up individuals in society
as martyrs, the people who failed everyone else for
daring to pursue virtue. It is very much like the movie
for Pinocchio, although in a much more twisted tale
that likely is the subtext. The children being sent to
Donkey Island, issues of lying and noses growing,
and a god-like figure standing as if above it all. For
those surviving the nightmare of this hidden abuse
it is an interesting corollary to the forces involved.
Trust is exploited, truth subverted, decisions forced.
Escape is necessary, yet still you remain captive.
That is where other people are necessary. And
the single greatest change in my life was when
someone said to me, in an otherwordly realm of
connection:  I understand.  Nothing could reach
me in the isolated realm that was occupied in a
most horrible living nightmare, yet someone was
able to reach me, console me, and be beside me
from that time onward, which gave me the will to
live, even through extremely harsh circumstances.

I believe most people have such issues, and they
need someone to understand them where they are
at, and their place within their self cannot always be
communicated or vocalized, yet it is necessary to
reach them there so that they are not trapped and
alone, abandoned by the broken world. Perhaps it
is a little girl still alive in the soul of a grown woman.
Perhaps the little boy that I am, emotionally, due to
these and also autism issues is someone who can
relate to her. Or perhaps she needs a good father
figure to balancer out conflicted emotions so that
she can build trust in her relations with another,
and within the safety of this protected boundary,
relate to someone who can help with the healing
process yet also, the inherent qualities of life that
are involved - the blooming and blossoming of the
soul within, the potential energy and insight and
love, to be allowed back into the world, in a way
that is recognized, valued, cherished, necessary.

These are mature relationships between healthy
people. They are not freak shows or exposition or
acting-out for others. It is about intimacy and truth.
Desire, it seems superficial by comparison, like an
attribute of lust or sexual momentum, the physics of
it, yet in terms of exchange, what is actually being
exchanged in these interactions if not truth itself?
Perhaps not exchanged, perhaps correlated or
shared across the distance, bridging the gap,
making & strengthening the bonds and circuitry.

Accessing this core of the person, that infinity of
possibility of what a person could potentially do,
if only given the chance or opportunity, if only it
could be accessed, or nurtured or developed, is
this not the question of development itself- of the
self and of the society and of the state? Education,
work, unique skills, being able to work together.

So perhaps in these interactions there is a boundary,
an equilibrium that can be brought into balance and
out of balance, and yet regain itself.  Changes can
occur and can cause reconsideration of governing
dynamics, via intelligent assessment & accounting,
and this could apply to the self, to the self with an-
other self, to a group, to marriage, to family, and
to the larger community, the state and the world.
This would be a world of human relationships.
It would be operating on different principles than
the existing economy which appears anti-human.

This is a sensualist viewpoint, and the question of
desire involves sensualist exchange. And if these
exchanges are broken, because people are broken
and social interactions are broken, short-circuiting,
it seems important to attempt to describe what is
occurring in these realms. This given vantage has
a diagnostic character, it is based or grounded in
a context of health with regard to desire, and not
within sickness (or, through surviving such illness)
and perhaps what it most involves is an aspect that
could be equivalent to the realm of sexual healing,
of surgery of a sensual nature, via the metaphysics
involved, by those accustomed to operating within
these realms. In regard to this, I think the films in
the Orphic Trilogy by Jean Cocteau provide an
excellent education in these themes and ideas. [4]
This is because they make sense or bring sense to
the realm of the classic myths in the present day &
provide for a rarified atmosphere that accompanies
moving into these realms, where people become
the planets and the constellations begin to shine.
That said, for those who do not serve the truth it
would be a pursuit resulting in disaster, beware.
Meaning, the circuitry needs to be established,
changes need be made, transformation needs to
occur to be able to establish certain relations and
mimicry does not work, pretending does not work.
Superficial exchange reliant upon language and
its sign systems versus the truth it is supposed to
uphold does not work. It all becomes transparent.
Just as a pseudo- punk rock conservative, etc. The
illusion versus the reality. The bullshit or the truth.

What remains to be said is of the potential danger
of interpretation or drawing conclusions based on
limited evaluations of the truth, that then can force
bias or warped and distorted viewpoints for relating.
Yes, I see that myself, every susceptible to this too.

It is difficult territory to write about without discussing
or having a more immediate exchange of ideas yet,
I do want to convey that when mentioning issues like
children in relation to sexual dynamics that this has
been in a context of mature adults and right actions.
Though, like with the realms involved in myth, say of
another invisible realm where these dynamics may
also exist, it is important to clarify something about
the truth of these dynamics. For instance, in a realm
of sexual abuse of children, there is the problem of
pedophiles who steal away children's lives. It is a
disease and a plague upon civilization. Yet, if one
looks into the past and into archetypes, especially
perhaps religious texts, there are also archetypes
involved in these dynamics - such as the virgin. It is
highly probable that all throughout time there have
been sacred relations between a virginal boy and
a woman or a virginal girl and a man. That is where
the symbolism derives from, and perhaps this is the
source or origin of the symbol, its truth, and that this
sets the stage for all the other range of dynamics.

For instance, if your mother happens to be a goddess
in an otherworldy realm, it might be quite a pleasure
to sleep with her, however socially wrong it may be or
sound in the existing state context. It may involve truth
that is higher or greater than what is mediated in the
realm of the mundane. Yet this same truth may also
be embedded deep within the subconscious structure
of the human brain, that is an important way point to
establishing relations with the great mother, while
living in a realm of the horrible mother. And thus it
may be that in another realm, within another law in
which there is justice, that such a luxury could be
afforded in the political-economy of desire, if it were
about health and higher-truth and development and
that genetics and these things might be more under-
control and thus birth and death may be functionally
different, more hand-crafted so that accommodations
can be made to ensure the rise not fall of this realm.

That is to suggest that perhaps while that place may
not be accessible, or the other ancient classic themes
of potentially shared human culture, that perhaps there
is a woman on earth who mediates these dimensions,
and that the little boy meets his mother via a mature
adult relationship, or he meets his daughter in her. As
wrong as this may sound if taken out of context, I believe
these are normal healthy thoughts brought to culture by
the culture itself, and it is a structural aspect that is also
involved in establishing relations across and between
groups and categories of people. And so, this is where
it needs to be said that such interactions are not in the
realm of the literal (although in a different realm they
may be, say if heaven fell to heathens of a false-god).

In this way, and in the accumulation of all the various
dynamics involved, it is in the extreme polarization of
difference between humans, within the sex, that these
symbolic archetypes, such as the virgin, are mediated
in an ordinary landscape, as considerations. Is this the
sexualization of children: no. Is this mapping desire on
to children: no. Is this identifying the truth that there is
an erotic dimension to children that has been identified
in the culture, in their purity and innocence that is often
lost to the weathering upon a soul, throughout a lifetime?
And to see a wonderful child, to have them interact with
you in such a natural way, that this is aesthetic pleasure
of the highest order, and that their beauty may one day
bloom and blossom into a fully developed human being?
I think this case is made in the excellent film GiGi, of the
dynamics involved, the fragileness of these connections,
the dangers, innuendoes, and yet the greater good of it,
if not the greater truth that it involves. [5]  And I think this
is what is uncomfortable about this process, for those who
have been severely damaged by the past in these realms.

For instance, I never developed close friendships with
girls, yet they were and are the focus of my life and my
imagination, the reason I do what I do. Women, yet to be
around a woman you need to know how to be around a
girl, because that is who she really is, that is her essence.
Most do not operate at that level, day to day, unless there
is a reason for it. Just like most are not functioning inside
as a little boy, though unfortunately that is my condition,
having had a really screwed up life. So if you have never
successfully socialized, how are you supposed to keep
up with the complex dynamics of all the fakery, as a basis
for relations, and then atop or beneath that get at the truth
that is shared, after that protocol has been matched? And
what if you never can access those protocols for relating?
It is like being trapped inside a life where you are only a
mime to the outside world, living mostly in a mute state.
The exchanges do not relate to core conditions and the
social realm is fundamentally apart from your reality. And
yet the myth-rich landscape exists, you function within it
in whatever dynamics, and yet separation is all that exists.

And so imagine if God were to be a woman, somehow,
she visited you as a beautiful young girl and that is when
you realized that you relate to that little girl more than you
do anyone else, because that was when my life was taken
from me, and thus that is where my emotions remain as a
result. And in recognizing a simple love, the love of boy for
a little girl, which would have been natural at that time yet
was made impossible, that somehow this is about healing
to go through this transformative experiences, and equally
important to recognize their truth, else the denial would be
a lie and cause unknown problems. And what this indicates
to me is there is something about this, there is some greater
truth that counters the pedophiles and child abusers about
the relation between the sexes, and the true core of this
dynamic, in culture and society-- and only in another world
may it be possible to know what that might involve in its
realization, though perhaps such a possibility would exist,
and could be true, and could even be a basis for a certain
health, including of society. Though this is beyond rarified.
That would be a sacred marriage ordained by the creator
of all that is, and governed in rules and laws of truth and
justice, yet still it is a beauty that is undeniable, and like a
heresy, there are those who would proactively attack the
mere mention of such a thing, for it appears as profanity
and sacrilege, if ignoring the truth it involves, and further,
such attacks could themselves be connected to protecting
the veil over these same crimes here on earth, where once
again a substitute is generated for a crime, while criminals
who harm children for their own agendas remain hidden.
If it cannot be talked about it cannot be dealt with. And the
children who are trapped in these realms cannot be helped.
That is why I have opted for transparency, so as to provide
evidence that it can be written about, and that it is important.

Because I love that little girl who is being abused. I also
love and care for the little boys whose futures are destroyed
by the lust of men who are diseased in their functioning and
need to get help, to take personal responsibility and regain
their self dignity and repent, to make changes and seek to
atone for wrongdoing and serve those they have harmed.
There is only one good or right answer in these economics.
Again, denying truth or ignoring it is equivalent to evil itself.
That is the economics of it, the evil exchange and hidden
markets that exist for peddling child pornography and for
selling children and people into sexual slavery rings and
at its core the erotics of pornography cannot be separated
from its negative origins in this realm of abuse. Of course
there are also erotics and that is a healthy realm, yet it
can be that a person is set up against their own self and
on sexual display for all others to see, and helpless in
this condition to change what is happening, perhaps as
they have been directed into this due to forces involved.
Thus, while there can be health or sensuality within a
realm of the pornographic, it is probably in the realm of
1% to the 99% of misery that is instituted within its walls.
This is another form of political economy and desire. And
in that horribleness, in the worst of it, are the children who
are captured, subverted, developed for this industry and
basically lost to society, as a result of the way things are.

And within that, those dynamics and societal circuits are
these exploiters, the people who have taken away the
rights of others, who depend upon the unfair advantage
and need to gain it by whatever means possible, and it
involves human beings and human lives. Real suffering.
Christ-like burdens of injustice. A passion of endless pain.

These people, say an adult pornstar who is on drugs and
in front of a camera fucking for an audience, just to get by,
are oftentimes the child who was abused or mistreated. A
person who did not have a better opportunity at the needed
time or someone who fell through the cracks. Of those whose
morality is based on lies, this may be no big deal, though for
those who do have virtue in their heart, who do love and care
for the world beyond themselves, that little child still is within
them who is severely damaged and in need of someone who
can say: I understand. And futher: I love you. You and your
life are important to us, we want and need you back in our
shared society. Help us understand the truth you witness.

This is where kinkiness and other traits can also benefit
relations because having hang-ups on certain dynamics
could limit understanding, within given boundaries. And
there is also a silver lining because some of these wilder
entities operating in these realms are very familiar with
true eroticism (not faked) and could potentially help in
attaining more understanding of sexual and sensual
dynamics, because literally- they are the experts, in a
certain realm. Not just in the acrobatic or aerobics of
sex as exercise, of the grounded intimate connection.
These observations are taboo, most likely, because
there are presupposed to be wrong in nature, as if of
a corrupted and dirty mind that cannot know truth or
virtue. Fuck it, I say. Those people are truly ignorant.
This is about creating higher awareness, establishing
better social relations and creating options for those in
very difficult realms, to be brought back into the shared
society & culture of a new state, in new terms of relation.
This would be of the importance of the erotic economy,
as it could pertain to societal health and well-being, not
only from child abuse and child pornography, also to
dismantle those networks via breaking their circuitry,
and rewiring the relations with those effected, providing
options for different purposeful behavior, in defense of
children and in support of sexual health and well-being.
A reclaiming of sensuality and love from the forces that
seek to exploit and destroy them. Just as beauty is a
revolutionary force, so is a liberated yet grounded lust,
that regains a positive erotic function versus as disease.

This is what I have needed to say, apparently, about
these issues. I really do not care what people think of
me with regard to my failings. Yet I do care that others
who have had to deal with similar dynamics know that
you are not alone, especially in these keyword realms
such as "desire" that never really fit the realities of such
situations as they exist. It is very academic and removed.
I think of murder and violence as part of the economics
involved, rounding up & executing the people en masse.
That is would be balancing the circuitry so to speak. It is
just dependent on what the truth is, and so a chance must
be given to change, to choose sides, before that day arrives.

I have learned a lot from my problems. I have met people
in the past who have taught me a lot, knowing or having
related in the personal context described. I have been
shunned, scorned, blacklisted, ignored, scapegoated,
laughed at and mocked for years and years. People
heap their contempt at me. And yet for all this, the truth
that has been revealed in this condition is far greater
than the suffering and pain that has had to be endured.

There is so much beauty in the world. It remains even in
a context of the greatest suffering, the light in eyes that
look out into the world as witnesses, standing by, waiting
for the day to arrive when the truth will conquer all the lies.
I cannot separate this truth, this logical function that is the
basis for information, for processing, for relations, all of
these circuits that it circulates within as flows of movement
and motivation, if not desire, that this is currency in its more
pure state, and that whether it is love or trade, that in these
exchanges it is truth that is the foundation of all that is and
will be, and when its connections can be aligned, in that
harmony and the change of atmospheres, in that music
and its potential to communicate and convey the stated
dimensions, that at some point, at some connecting line,
on some plane of consciousness it must be possible to
build a state from relations between individuals, from
one to the next, until all are accounted for, all errors are
accounted for, and balance and dynamic equilibrium can
be achieved to enable an 'infinite state machine' [6], to
finally release communication from this linear trap of
written language, and move into diagrams and oral
communication so as to really start discussing ideas,
versus write and write to reestablish vanished context,
to make a small point here or observation over there.
Its really inefficient. Plus, no conceptual diagrams to
make short work of it. Until that time, email remains.

I never thought about it until recently, though very likely
the events of childhood also impacted my writing such
that I overuse commas and now with Alzheimer's-like
memory loss, between forgetting what I am writing and
reading it, it seems that this inner reality is mapped out
in the outer realm whether I like it or not. That it is may
be a personal archaeology of the text, the person as a
ruin, to themselves and to others. Here is my ruin in all
its glory- behold. It is appreciated those who can read
beyond the error-rate which is always quite extreme,
if not with ideas then with epic typographic failure. To
me this questioning is intriguing, yet a new state is an
absolute requirement, and so that is why I felt it worth
writing about in the existing terms, because I think the
issues above would be required to be addressed in
that context of improving the conditions for humans
and their relations, including of the erotic truth and
dimensions of sensuality such domains involve.

The politics then by necessity are revolutionary,
the economics, and the social relations, including
sexual relations from its worst to its best dynamics.

And within this, I think the greater truth involves that
of beauty, and how it has become separated from a
realm of desire, and how ugliness is exchanged in its
place; thus the centrality of ethics for an overall view
of the dynamics as they are grounded in falsity and
function in non-human models of morality & ethics.
Which then indicates exchange between unshared
identities, or an antagonistic condition that became
absorbed and centralized in the state bureaucracy
and a city, suburb, and farmland near you. It has
become increasingly difficult to recognize fellow
travelers, the density of unfamiliar faces is so high.
Must be a lot of work in the Wizard's cloning labs
or Santa's workshop or whatever the case may be.

( To Life!  To Love!  To Freedom!  :)

---
[1]  Tinto Brass
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tinto_Brass
http://www.tintobrass.to/film.htm

[2]  Astrologer Rob Brezsny
http://www.freewillastrology.com/

[3]  advertisement for Liberator Medical,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nL2khrJ0VmQ

[4]  Jean Cocteau
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orphic_Trilogy

[5]  Gigi
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gigi_%281958_film%29

Thank Heaven for Little Girls (1958)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-hkjEMRZfQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRnbtRPC6v4

[6]  Infinite State Machine - Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Clancy%27s_Splinter_Cell:_Chaos_Theory


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