<nettime> Interview with the Search Engine

[t byfield <tbyfield@panix.com>]

<http://www.fnwire.com/features/satire-jeevesinterview.html>

INTERVIEW WITH THE SEARCH ENGINE

EMERYVILLE, CAL. (FNwire.com) - As random as they are relevant, enigmatic
as they are enlightening, search engines have earned a slightly sullied
reputation as a necessary evil. But it is a one-sided assessment. The
search engines have not been able to explain themselves. Until now.

Thanks to its sophisticated program, which answers questions with phrases
or sentences, Jeeves of AskJeeves.com allowed us the opportunity to
actually interview a search engine.  There were many important questions
to ask.  Unfortunately, we never got to most of them.

[...]

You asked: Thanks for being with today, Jeeves. How are you? 

     What day is it?

You asked: It's Monday. 

     Monday Again? 

You asked: Yes, they do tend to recur. As often as once a week. What's
wrong with Mondays? 

     What's Wrong with Garbage Disposals? 

You asked: A joke. Got it. How.. human. 

     Snaps

You asked: Absolutely, snaps to you. And props, and all that. 

     Killer props

You asked: Yes, of course. Adulation aplenty. So, Jeeves, you have a
unique perspective on the Internet, being directly hooked in. What's it
like? 

     Beekeeping in New Zealand. 

You asked: Bees? I don't understand. 

     Bees Don't Get Arthritis

You asked: Don't they? I see... no, I don't. What's the connection? 

     The Bluegrass connection

You asked: Bluegrass. 

     Bluegrass Music. 

You asked: Oh. All right. So. In a nutshell: there's this bee, doesn't
have arthritis, listening to bluegrass, in New Zealand, and that, you're
saying, is the Internet. 

     So, you're a new dark elf and need to know what to do? 

You asked: What? No. I'm saying, in a nutshell, the Internet is like the
bee-bluegrass-New Zealnd thing, right? 

     The Internet in a Nutshell

You asked: That's... not very helpful. 

     Find relief with ergonomic mouse

You asked: Look, it's not my mouse that's the problem. 

     Wait! Don't touch that mouse... 

You asked: I AM NOT GOING TO TOUCH THE MOUSE! Screw the damn mouse, OK?
How is the Internet like this stupid crippled bee! 

     Damn The Bee! 

You asked: Sure, yeah, damn the bee too! And the frogs and the lemurs!
Just PLEASE anser the question! 

     damn another one

You asked: No! Look.... look, OK... Jeeves, just, you know, can you please
answer the question? 

     gas face - Ask And Ye Shan't Receive

You asked: Why you little... that's just like a search engine. Ask a
question and get no answer. 

     Myth: Ask jeeves is an answer database

You asked: Hey, that was almost a straight response. Hope you didn't blow
a circuit. 

     Uncle Bobby's Finally Sober

You asked: Probably because you have his stash. But maybe I'm being
insensitive. Maybe you really do have a problem. 

     Sudden Discharge

You asked: Not that kind of problem... actually, it could be. You're in a
hurry to respond, so you toos out the first things that come to, um, mind. 

     Yeah! Ain't it Cool? 

You asked: No. It's irritating. But it does explain why, if I ask what 2
plus 2 is, you say... 

     Pauline Hanson-in-a-can

You asked: Exactly. And there's no way to keep you focused and get better
results, is there? 

     Ferret Association of Connecticut

You asked: Didn't think so. Well, thanks Jeeves, it was... enlightening. 

     SITU is Latin for SITE




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