Bruce Sterling on 6 Sep 2000 04:28:07 -0000

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<nettime> Best of all, they're hiring!

From: public relations <>
Subject: New Company Tells Future, Sells Future

September 1, 2000

New Company Tells Future, Sells Future

NEW HAVEN--Futurefeedforward, a young start-up company in southern
Connecticut, publicly announced today that it has established a computer
networking link to the future.

The company's Temporal Networking technology enables it to directly gather
information about the future from databases located in the future and
linked to present day computers in its New Haven offices.  The company
reports that by eventually building extensive databases in the future
containing information about events between now and the future, and by
networking "ForwardServers" with "present-side clients," it has gained
unprecedented access to information about the future.

 "The commercial possibilities are literally endless," notes a company
spokesperson.  "One simple example:  Marketers can improve the
effectiveness of advertising campaigns by targeting only those consumers
who will eventually buy what they're selling."

 Although the exact nature of the technology remains a secret, company
materials claim that information can be encoded in "wave packets"
traveling back in time on "retrograde quantum effects."  A present-day
"black box" device collects and decodes these packets, producing usable,
present-day information about future events.

 Company founder Redroe "Red" Boudaine invented the technology and
established the company to develop and exploit its commercial

 The company currently offers financial and research services to the
industrial, commercial, and consumer markets.

 Its research division, predictably, touts its ability to produce
unequalled and unequallable analyses of future trends; but its financial
services division aims to profit by selling money below its current value.  
"Money wants to be free!" declares CEO Boudaine. Prominent banking
officials doubt the viability of a business which sells money below cost.  
"If I sell you $1 million for, say, $900,000, that's just not a business,
that's a bankruptcy waiting to happen," noted a Federal Reserve

 Boudaine remains undaunted:  "Its not that banking officials are
behind-the-times; its just that we are ahead, looking decades, centuries,
even millennia into the future.  They may refuse to accept our vision now,
but, eventually, we will own them, all of them."

 The company's web-presence at regularly publishes
news about future events in an attempt to "spread the word about the
company" and to "build our brand."


Do you know the Future?  We do.
For more stories, or to subscribe, visit us at

Do you know the future?  We do.

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