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<nettime> Fwd: Unmanned Aerial President Crashes on Korean Peninsula
Bruce Sterling on Mon, 24 Feb 2003 08:23:16 +0100 (CET)

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<nettime> Fwd: Unmanned Aerial President Crashes on Korean Peninsula

*Really, how could I not -- bruces

Begin forwarded message:

> From: "futurefeedforward" <fff {AT} futurefeedforward.com>
> Date: Sun Feb 23, 2003  01:51:04 PM US/Central
> To: bruces {AT} well.com
> Subject: Unmanned Aerial President Crashes on Korean Peninsula
> March 8, 2041
> Unmanned Aerial President Crashes on Korean Peninsula
> WASHINGTON DC--Citing what Northrop Grumman engineers
> have identified as a flaw in specially designed navigation
> software, spokespeople for the Presidential Cabinet
> confirmed late Wednesday that the 53rd President of the
> United States, the first entirely autonomous,
> mechanical, airborne leader in the western world, has
> crashed and is likely unrecoverable.  "This is a black day
> for America," noted a solemn administration spokeswoman.
> "But it may also be a day of great courage.  The American
> people took a great leap forward when they elected [the
> President]; may we not now retreat from that great vision."
> The President, widely known by his Northrop development
> codename "Skipper," was reportedly surveilling the
> former Korean De-Militarized Zone when a software flaw led
> him to "invert" positioning data he received from a network
> of satellites and ground-based antennae.  "Though
> specific details of the mishap are certainly classified,
> we can say that a sudden, systematic mis-transformation of
> positioning data lead the President to believe that up was
> down and down was up," explains an unidentified Northrop
> engineer.  "He lost compass and got locked into a fatal
> feedback flightpath.  The closer he got to the ground, the
> higher he tried to fly, bringing him closer to the ground
> until he crashed at an apparently high velocity."
> A controversial figure since his election last year,
> President Skipper gained the confidence of the American
> people after taking quick, decisive action against a rogue
> satellite many feared equipped with legacy nuclear
> weapons.  "Nothing beats a President capable of
> extra-atmospheric sorties with his own air-to-air
> missiles," boasts Admiral Wayne Nubbs, head of the U.S.
> Joint Chiefs.  "He's got high-powered lasers mounted right
> on his head.  No traditional leader can compete with that."
> Though popular for his daring, low-orbit exploits and
> courageous penetration of foreign, hostile airspace, the
> President faced mounting pressure at home to reign in
> military spending and address perennial domestic
> problems.  "Skipper faced some understandable skepticism
> when it came to military spending," opines Katherine
> Zahone, Executive Director of the non-partisan
> BudgetScope.  "Though he was elected by the American
> people, he was built by major military contractors.  That
> was a real political liability, no question about it."
> Scheduled to be sworn in over the weekend, the Vice
> President, codenamed "Little Boy," though little-used
> over the past year, is reportedly prepared to assume
> official Presidential duties.  "It's true he hasn't seen
> much action," noted a Northrop engineer during a January
> New York Times interview.  "To be frank, we've basically
> been using him to make toast and heat up coffee.  But he's got
> every capability that the Skipper's got.  With 45 minutes'
> notice we can scramble the Cabinet and he can be airborne
> with the latest intelligence and a full payload."
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