www.nettime.org
Nettime mailing list archives

<nettime> Automadness: Terrors of EM Research (1/2)
brian carroll on Wed, 8 Aug 2001 22:02:20 +0200 (CEST)


[Date Prev] [Date Next] [Thread Prev] [Thread Next] [Date Index] [Thread Index]

<nettime> Automadness: Terrors of EM Research (1/2)



  [the following is written out of necessity to force change upon
  the situation that presents itself. it is not a piece about a
  private view of a private subject, a private conversation.
  although it has been this for many years, as one tries to do
  whatever they can not to complain. but when there is absolutely
  no possibility to go forward, then it seems time to restrategize
  and change the rules. the people named in this article, and the
  organizations, are being critiqued in a way they never have been.
  it has been years of trying to avoid writing this story, but it
  is the last thing that can be done. and it is not bothersome to
  see these people whom, bit by bit, have taken away the possibility
  of change, to have to account for their actions, as others like
  myself have had to change, dramatically, always for the worse.
  to concede, in order to survive. so too, will those who are
  guiding the ship now have to listen to the winds else they
  may find themselves shipwrecked with sharks all around. any
  collaborations are appreciated. time to make some change. here
  is my contribution to dissenting the loss of human freedoms]...



	A U T O B I O G R A P H Y   O F   M A D N E S S

	TERRORS OF ELECTROMAGNETIC RESEARCH

	public story. public facts. public individual. public domain.
	no copyright. 2001. no permissions necessary. please redistribute.
	brian thomas carroll. electromagnetic researcher.
	a work in progress. version 8.7.2001

	http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/


------------------------------------------------------------------------
0-- 	THE MYTHIC SCHIZOPHRENIC
------------------------------------------------------------------------
1--	HYPOCRISY OF BUREAUCRATIC DEMOCRACY
------------------------------------------------------------------------
2--	INDEPENDENT ARCHITECTURAL RESEARCH
------------------------------------------------------------------------
3--	ASCII ARCHITECTURE
------------------------------------------------------------------------
4--	NO IDEOLOGICAL EXIT
------------------------------------------------------------------------
5--	CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT
------------------------------------------------------------------------
6--	THE ELECTROMAGNETIC LOBOTOMY
------------------------------------------------------------------------
7--	MULTIMEDIATED ARCHITECTURE
------------------------------------------------------------------------
8--	ARCHITECTURAL DEBATE (SIC)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
9--	SOCIALIZED INSECURITY
------------------------------------------------------------------------
10-	ARCHITEXTUALIZING ELECTRICITY
------------------------------------------------------------------------
11-	PUBLIC DISINFORMATION ZONE
------------------------------------------------------------------------
12- 	ELECTROMAGNETIC INTERNETWORKING
------------------------------------------------------------------------
13-	THE PURGING OF PUBLIC DISSENT
------------------------------------------------------------------------
14-	SEEING NO CHANGE
------------------------------------------------------------------------
15-	THE LAST OF THE FREE RADICALS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
16-	GOALS FOR TODAY / contact information
------------------------------------------------------------------------


This website documents the path of an individual human being in their
attempt to understand the cultural role of electromagnetism in the
field of architecture. Seemingly fictive, it publicly documents the
travails of an 'undisciplined' student on their public journey in
search of architecture, into madness and beyond. The purpose of this
individual's research work is to assist ordinary citizens in
understanding complex electromagnetic phenomena within the everyday
environment.

And yet this work has been censored in the University; the person
deemed insane for 'thinking differently'; administered electroshock
treatments so as to fit back into 'normal' society; institutionalized
inside bureaucracies of economic, social, and political bondage;
discriminated against for challenging the status quo; surveilled by
ideological opponents whom have read private e-mail, shut down two
public e-mail lists, hacked their web server, defaced their website,
damaged their personal computer, destroyed the computer hardware, and
corrupted the software used to continue this unique electromagnetic
research endeavor.

As a direct result, this researcher has been unable to function, to
stay employed, and has had their physical health deteriorate to the
point of collapse, in order to be 'renormalized'. They can no longer
continue their research of electromagnetism until help from the
public arrives. This human being is now seeking to live outside the
USA so as to be able to continue their work which pursues public
goals without fear of oppression, something impossible to imagine
from where they exist today.

All of these events have led to life-threatening health and welfare
problems for this individual, and they have no other option but to
tell their story of the last ten years in hopes that other people
will recognize this individual continues to be actively denied their
basic human rights as a citizen of the world, and will legally argue,
if necessary, that they have been tortured as it is defined by the
United Nations Convention Against Torture (1984), Article 1(1). This
claim is not idle, nor against any one individual, but against an
entire cultural system as it is accumulated in the separate actions
of many in positions of authority and power over time. This injustice
must be recognized by others in order to change its predetermined
outcome.

This biography is not personal in nature, a private grievance unique
to one person. Instead it publicly documents a system of Automated
Madness which is working against all of humanity and is actively
destroying the democratic rights and freedoms of individuals in this
human republic.

This researcher is in dire need of public support from fellow
citizens of the world, and this is their last stand. They have tried
everything to avoid this confrontation. but given no other choice,
they are not ashamed to speak truth to the total authority of power
over that of truth that exists in the world today. Please suspend
judgment, read this story, and consider for yourself what these facts
present. If you then choose to support the work of this individual
human being, please send your support as soon as is possible, as a
public opportunity needs to open up fast within these storied ruins,
as time, energy, and resources have long run out. Contact information
is below for those who want to help keep this public research effort
alive.



------------------------------------------------------------------------
0-- THE MYTHIC SCHIZOPHRENIC
------------------------------------------------------------------------

SPACETIME:	1970-1990, Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA


EVENTs & ANALYSIS:

grow up in conservative and insular environment. go to the University
of Minnesota while living in parents home. stress 	from clashing
worldviews of upbringing and that of the larger world. question
theological upbringing, in order to think independently. Thus, two
worlds collide in daily life, one of the traditional past and a new
cultural order. An impossible situation to resolve in the present
moment, and harder yet to rationalize without any distance inbetween
the oppositions. Paradox reigned supreme, in gray matter, and age-old
unanswerable questions were flowing...

some later digital work directly relates to what was learned from
this early experience:

*	identity: philosophy, metaphysics, alchemy

	http://www.architexturez.com/site/identity/


HEALTH:

diagnosed with bi-polar depression and actively administered
anti-depressant drugs while attending college as a preventative
measure, so as to remain within the irrational and counter-productive
educational system.



------------------------------------------------------------------------
1--	HYPOCRISY OF BUREAUCRATIC DEMOCRACY
------------------------------------------------------------------------


SPACETIME:

1990-1994, on and off, University of Minnesota, Minneapolis, USA
College of Architecture & Landscape Architecture (CALA)



EVENTs & ANALYSIS:

attempt to fit into architecture school 3 times with no success.
ideas did not fit well within the corporatized studio-driven
educational model, which does not allow for basic research.
imagination, while good for design, was a negative in that i 'did the
opposite of everyone else' and was called 'schizophrenic' for work i
pursued. never did anything 'right', in an esoteric type of
moral-architectural truth. for example, in a course on environmental
systems, by including noise from airplanes and cars, and pollution
from the busy streets next to a famous architect's library, my work
was chided by the teacher as i was disrespecting authority by
bringing up these issues in my homework, well within the range of
reasoning...

.

during one of my three times leaving architectural school an
architectural teacher whom i once admired, Andrzej Piotrowski , told
me in no uncertain terms that i could never study, understand, nor
know 'Architecture' outside of the University. i disagreed, may have
called it 'dogma' as he liked to say to me, and proceeded to leave
school, considered a failure. wrote to this teacher later regarding
my work but was never responded to, as i was no longer a part of the
institution, even though i was doing public architectural work. this
professor has just published a book from the University Press on
Architectural Discipline and Authority. This is highly disturbing in
that while he may understand power, he lacks a broader truth. This is
amongst the gravest insults i have encountered in my journeys, the
betrayal of truth by power, and the takeover of public education by a
privatized despotism.

.

well-known urban planner William Morrish met with me during his after
class hours. Morris had a class similar to the book Defining
Community: A Neighborhood Perspective which "... identifies and
synthesizes the ideas, strategies, and partnerships that Minneapolis
residents are generating through a wide variety of neighborhood
planning processes, particularly the Neighborhood Revitalization
Program (NRP)."

at that time i was working for the University of Minnesota's Center
for Urban and Regional Affairs (CURA) for the NRP in Minneapolis'
Phillips neighborhood as a housing researcher and was actually doing
the work the class was about. the class project i presented expanded
the local media infrastructure to empower the community, such as with
freenets, bulletin board systems (BBS), and community radio. my work
was considered 'confusing' to the Teaching Assistant, as they did not
understand it (or what a computer network was), and i received a poor
grade. When i went to talk with the professor about this, he confided
something to the effect that school was not the time for working on
your own ideas. that it would take fifteen years, and if i wanted to
work on my own ideas it may be better to leave school. i was ready to
do my thesis at the end of grade1 and had 3 years to wait before i
could, and even then i would not be able to pursue `basic research'
dealing the role of electrification within the built environment, but
instead would be 'designing' a building for a fictional client.

thus, i was told in so many words by Morris that my personal (public)
architectural ideas did not belong in a University college of
architecture, and that i'd have to leave to work on these ideas. he
said this with compassion and pragmatism, and i appreciated his
honesty. yet, for me this was a cultural death sentence, being a
student without a degree, with no hope of working in the profession,
student loan debts, and in waiting arms of the psychiatric arm of the
state.

.

met with studio professor Lance Lavine and tried conveying my ideas
on electricity's role in architecture by showing brochures for
American Electric streetlights and comparing theme to the Classical
orders of Greco-Roman architecture. I was told 'this is not
architecture, this is engineering' in absolute terms. meaning that it
had no cultural dimension.

ironically, this same teacher publishes a book on Mechanics and
Meaning in Architecture from the University Press in 2000, which
explores '...technology's role in architecture and, in turn,
humanity's understanding of nature." and his work focusses on
electrical HVAC systems which would not exist today without
electricity and such absolute statements were and are absurd but
cannot be challenged, as they are status quo answers beyond
questioning, even to this day, as truth is secondary to power in
architectural discourse.

.

during a class presentation, studio professor B. Aaron Parker
censored me when saying i could not discuss the electrical
distribution 'poles' on my map for my studio project, as they were
not architecture. i said they were architecture, and he declared i
could not talk about them. This is the map i worked on to show how
the electrical distribution grid is an architectural order in the
built environment but it was the 'wrong' idea, again...


*	contextual site map displaying electrical order

	http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/icons/map.html


i left the architectural program after appealing to the Dean that i
was being censored, and even had my work ruined when a vandal threw
water all over the map.

.

i went to the office of the Dean of CALA at that time, Harrison
Fraker, Jr. and tried to convey my intentions that i was being held
back by the educational system. He was unable to help find a way for
me to continue my work at the university, and i was handed down to
three professors who were also unable to relate to anything i was
saying about the electrical infrastructure, computer networks, the
Internet, etceteras.

Ironically when i asked for Dean Fraker's help, he ended up saying,
in effect: there is nothing i can do. i was referred to go to the
Independent Study program at the University. It is quite ironic to me
that this architectural administrator is now the Dean of the College
of Environmental Design at the University of California, Berkeley. it
shows how the spirit of freedom of thought of the 1960s student
movement in the University has been rolled-back when a helpless Dean
now leads a supposedly emancipated school. It is indicative of how
radically conservative the architectural profession remains today.



HEALTH:

frustrated, was told to see a University psychiatrist, which i did to
stay in school. i was given medicines such as tranquilizers and
anti-psychotics while telling the psychiatrist that what i was
attempting to say in architectural school was being censored and
unfair. That i was sane, that the teachers would not accept facts
into debates, etc.

productive period of ascii architecture, where my ideas were not
accepted in school, so i put them online, specifically in the
design-lit forum from Pennsylvania State University, a list founded
by Howard Ray Lawrence and now run by John Young of cryptome.org.

My posts on the design-list range from the architectural
establishment to my specific ideas on the implicit role of
electricity in understanding the built environment and architecture
of the present day, including the early Internet.

anxiety attack when professor said i could not present my own work in
front of the 100 or so classmates.

another student presented my work as i had to stand by listening.
they didn't even know what my work was about. as i heard them
improvise an architectural presentation about it which had nothing to
do with what i created, but with what the 'educators' wanted students
to hear, see, and believe.

i started to hyperventilate and my chest and arms tightened and i ran
to the hospital, as i began getting extremely ill from the absurdity
of this situation.

It was apparent i was the one who did not belong in this system, and
could not be made to fit either, as i was too wild, or 'not
disciplined' enough.

i contacted the Legal Aid society and tried to bring a lawsuit
against the University for limiting my ability to speak about my
ideas in school. but they said they could not take the case, as it
was not clear cut enough.




------------------------------------------------------------------------
2--	INDEPENDENT ARCHITECTURAL RESEARCH
------------------------------------------------------------------------


SPACETIME:

	1993, University of Minnesota, Minneapolis, USA
	Program for Individualized Learning (PIL)



EVENTs & ANALYSIS:

apply for an Independent Study at the Program for Individualized
Learning (PIL) at the University of Minnesota. After three failed
attempts to fit my public educational pursuits into the College of
Architecture (CALA) `training' environment, it was my last hope to
continue my work.

As I remember the application was turned down on its own merits. I
also was unable to find an academic advisor in the architecture
department whom I could work with. Thus, my application was not
accepted.


*	rejected P.I.L. Independent Study application

  	http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/pil/


this meant I had no architectural future in the University and would
have to leave it to pursue public research. By doing so, I would be
considered crazy, as I was not making 'rational' decisions by
continuing this pursuit to my own personal detriment. The atmosphere
was one of being perceived by others as not knowing what is 'good for
me' and needing bureaucracies to decide what is reasonable for me to
be doing, such as working in a Coca-Cola factory.

.

start researching online, in lieu of being able to pursue my ideas in
the local environment, in hopes that somehow i can find a way to
continue my education...


*	first 'Architecture and Electricity' post online

	http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/texts/alphae.html



HEALTH:

Without institutional support in an official independent study
program, the individual student was prescribed psychiatric
medications so to explain 'irrational' behavior in a suitable way to
others, i.e., the person is mentally ill for pursuing ideas that the
institutions are not ready to accept or allow as legitimate decisions.

Thus, the individual learner is cast out of the educational
environment, and is on their own. The free pursuit of truth and
knowledge in educational disciplines is limited by institutional
power and its rote bureaucracy.


~~~

SPACETIME:

1993-1994, University of Minnesota, Minneapolis. enroll in various
multidisciplinary classes outside of any formal degree tract, just to
learn.



EVENTs & ANALYSIS:

study Science and the State with professor Donald Geesaman at the
Hubert H. Humphrey Institute for Public Affairs, a genuine public
philosopher. some essays and ideas that bubbled to the surface of the
mind during that influential time include:

*	Window (1993)

  	http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/dg/window.html

*	The Spectrum from Truth to Power and Constitutional Relativity

  	http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/dg/spectrum.html

*	Text to Self (1994)

  	http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/dg/text2self.html

*	The Architect of Policy

  	http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/dg/policy.html

*	Being a Student in the Transition

  	http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/dg/dg.html


...

some evidence that i was conducting computer searches of public
libraries in an effort to find books related to the cultural aspects
of technology during this specific period of time, in order to work
my way out of the predicament i was inside:

*	computer search for 'technology' (1993)

  	http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/dg/library.html

...

simultaneously take a class on the United Nations with professor
Knutson and submit the following paper for a final project which
received a nearly failing grade at the time. The paper explored the
realm of telecommunications and energy systems in relation to
international governance and public representation.

*	The Architecture of the United Nations (1993)

	http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/AUN/main.html


most of this paper was written to try to explain 'why' one would
write such a paper, yet it still was not good enough.

...

about this same time i attend a metal sculpture class and design and
build two symbolic electrical artifacts:

*	Electrical Crucifixion (1993)

	http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/icons/crucifixion.html

*	Automatic Streetlight (1993)

	http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/icons/light.html


these become foundational for me, by putting the ideas and experience
in a tangible form, in relation to the world around me and the world
inside me, in conflict.


HEALTH:

Donald Geesaman was the best teacher i have ever had. a true
philosopher. As the question was never answered in advance, and
always contemplated again and again.

His work influenced me greatly and aided in my 'mental-health' in
that he did not treat me as crazy but as someone who was questioning
the world around them, the goal of education. This helped me to
continue on, despite a threshold that would be with me for years
which i could never break through. But the ideas, and the freedom of
thinking that Geesaman shared was truly inspirational and i will
always admire his humanity and graciousness and daring to think while
in the University. his work helped me ground my mind, in the realm of
science in relation to art, and thus a good foundation for
architectural research.

while making sculptures i was given medicines which made me so
unstable i would temporarily be unable to see. It was not due to
welding, either. i began to feel psychotic and the medicines, for the
first time in my life, made me feel suicidal, as they made me feel
crazed.



------------------------------------------------------------------------
3--	ASCII ARCHITECTURE
------------------------------------------------------------------------


SPACETIME:

online the Internet Design-List, 1993-present


EVENTs & ANALYSIS:

go online the internet and write about my architectural ideas on the
design-list. find others whom are willing to listen and debate the
ideas: here are a few posts which reflect the attempt to break down
the issues faced when trying to enact institutional change (language,
identity, logic, and power):


*	sample of ASCII architecture online

	http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/ascii-arch/


write about the experience at the University of Minnesota College of
Architecture and Landscape Architecture (CALA) online the design-list:

*	private public service (1995)

	http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/texts/service.html


receive feedback from professors, students, and professionals that
others are experiencing similar limitations, and meet several good
friends through this public dialogue.



HEALTH:

Some ASCII architecture from this time period was kindly published in
the book Being On-line, edited by Alan Sondheim, Lusitania press.

The academic saga unfolded online and as a result i was in many
public debates about architecture, my research, the educational
system, and beyond...



------------------------------------------------------------------------
4--	NO IDEOLOGICAL EXIT
------------------------------------------------------------------------


SPACETIME:

1994~1995, Western Europe and back in less than 30 days
Amsterdam, Paris, Venice

upon returning to the USA i attend a grant-writing workshop and apply
for a research grant with the Charles Lindbergh foundation for
cultural research on technology. My proposal is declined without
comment.



EVENTs & ANALYSIS:

fly to Europe in search of architecture, and for opportunities to
work on architectural research. It is here that i realize the
electrical infrastructure is a common, international aesthetic. For
example, in Venice, Italy, all the rooftops of buildings hundreds of
years old have television antennas atop them.


*	cover of hand-made book on universal aesthetics (1994)

	http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/icons/book.html


upon returning to the USA i created a handmade book with colored
paper and drawings and photographs about the idea of universal
aesthetics and its relationship to the electrical infrastructure,
which i discovered during my European travels. i used this book as a
document to try to logically communicate with my professors, with
visual evidence for my public ideas based in fact. again, with no
luck.

likewise, i realized public utilities and construction sites also
shared universal aesthetics via color, material, and form, especially
during various stages of a building's construction. This view enables
one to relate language with architecture, order, and design. The sum
of this work is later exhibited in an online photogallery:


*	the aesthetics of deconstruction (2000)

	http://www.architexturez.com/decon/


the common language of construction and demolition across world
cultures, which could become the basis for a shared language of
design, and of identity.

with no money to stay in Europe, and no work for student
architectural researchers available, it was necessary to go back
'home' and face the inevitable- being institutionalized as a madman.
there was and is no way out of this cultural institutional insanity,
only ways deeper into its rotten core.

i confide in a friend in Italy that i know if i return i will be
electroshocked. cannot avoid returning to Minnesota, and thus face
the consequences for not 'obeying the rules' of the authorities of
the reigning architectural establishment.


HEALTH:

absolutely crazed. The complexity of my situation, and seeing no
probable way out other than death made me try to escape to Europe, in
hopes that i could find something to stop what i foresaw inevitably
happening if i should have to return, being labeled crazy, on more
and more drugs, and inevitably becoming more and more
institutionalized, more and more crazy as i pursue this public work,
as there was and is no other possible outcome given the total control
over thought in the architectural academy.

i could not foresee a life for myself in the USA where i could
continue my work and be free, within its system, and within the
psychology of culture.

becoming confused from being processed in the cultural system for not
fitting in, i began to worry i lost control over my limited ability
to self-determine my future. instead, i faced the chaos and fury of
the status quo, and as a consequence was losing my sense of identity.



------------------------------------------------------------------------
5--	CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT
------------------------------------------------------------------------


SPACETIME:  1994-1995, USA

severe psychiatric breakdowns due to complications with prescribed
medications, requiring me to hospitalize myself twice to stay alive,
as i lose my ability to think rationally due to the enormous
pressure, and the hopelessness that nothing can be done to live life
outside of the total authority of cultural bondage.



EVENTs & ANALYSIS:

	returning to the USA and i had no other choice but to stop
fighting the system and passively accept the label of being 'chronic
mentally ill' so as to survive, and have my student debt reduced, and
to obtain food, clothing, and shelter by the State of Minnesota.

ultimately, i had no other choice than to accept i was 'insane' in
order to stay alive, a forced confession so to speak, under duress.

Instead, my ideas did not belong 'in the real world' and i was
institutionalized in the mental health sector and shunned by former
teachers and students as being an aberration as i had failed to
change anything, and thus was not fit enough to survive the
psychological hazing of architectural 'training'.

During this time, US Senator Newt Gingrich publicly declared
something to the effect that 'if you are perceived as being mentally
ill or disabled, then you are'.

so, ethically and morally i used this as my guideline for knowingly
choosing to accept this paradoxical label in order to survive, as the
reason for my mental illness was others who were labeling me as such,
while denying all logic, rationality, reason, facts, and the truth i
tried presenting at every possible moment in an attempt to fit into
the current system, to help change it for the better, in the public
interest. This was a completely coerced confession, else i would
never get out of the hospital unless i agreed that i was mentally ill.

to stay alive i joined a Mental Health Day Treatment program for
roughly one year as a certified schizophrenic while reading Deleuze &
Guattari's Anti-Oedipus, Schizophrenia and Capitalism. It became a
useful tool, and this psychiatric philosophy, or 'schizo-philosophy',
offered a type of liberation-in-waiting from the United Statesian
worldview. After several months in Day Treatment it was clear that
the only way out of the hospital is through total submission, and
fully adopting the identity of being mentally ill, and being process
through the mental health system, hopefully to come out on the other
side. This involved the death of the ego, and also the conceptual
death of the individual as bearer of meaning.

The future would bring the altogether unexpected, onward...


HEALTH:

given pills to control my behavior, and continue trying to work
within the system to move the ideas forward. given anti-psychotic
medications, i start to feel suicidal beyond my own will.

working in Minneapolis in landscaping. have to quit because of
side-effects of the psychiatric drugs which try to adapt me into the
system.

So too, my ability to work is ended when taking psychiatric pills and
building boulder walls, as i collapse into a fetal position on the
ground while outside working in the sun. i am now totally physically
and mentally reliant upon the drugs to determine what i can and
cannot do, to the point of complete submission, else there is only
suicide.

unable to work, have to enter the hospital as a way to stay alive,
and ultimately the only choice, in order to continue working on my
ideas in the system, becomes ECT...




------------------------------------------------------------------------
6--	THE ELECTROMAGNETIC LOBOTOMY
------------------------------------------------------------------------


SPACETIME:

1993-present, the Internet Design-List

reading Sartre's work Being and Nothingness while going into the
hospital for ECT. related to ideas of non-being and of an existential
process of becoming a self without an identity.

post-ECT, it takes 6 years of failure trying to fit back into society
that necessitates looking back into these files, in the summer of
2001, to accept the consequences and acknowledge the anger and
resentment i have for having to undergo such an event in 'the land of
the free'.



EVENTs & ANALYSIS:

i break down and volunteer for Electroshock therapy, as it is the
last thing i can do to try to change my situation. i was not coerced
in any way to do this by any individual, but by an entire
bureaucratic system which makes the individual conform to its needs,
and never adapts to the needs of unique individuals.

electroshock therapy is and was *torture* in the sense that it became
the only choice for me to survive with my public architectural ideas
in a despotic system with a remnant of my self intact, so i was
hoping. And a future where i might have a different perspective, due
to a mental rebooting which, one must trust, i would rather avoid at
any cost besides that of death without ever having lived.

During hospitalization i decided to create an e-mail discussion list
called e-shock for keeping the ordeal public while institutionalized
to undergo electroshock therapy during a two week period. i have
hardly any memory of this event, but do remember getting my computer
out of a locked area in the nurses quarters (where they kept the
medicines and dangerous items) and then unplugging the phone in the
hallway and putting my 386sx laptop on a small table or chair and
dialing up the Internet to send out semi-weekly messages updating the
ongoing events via a 2400 baud modem.


*	E-Shock mailing list posts (1995)

	http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/e-shock/


yet, it was not the ECT itself which was the problem, as it did help
in some ways to keep the ideas alive.

The problem is that electroshock was the ONLY option to continue
working on public ideas, that they are considered mentally ill and in
need of reform, or, the literal erasure, and rebooting of the brain,
so one has to reformulate their whole universe again. Thus, this
event finally made me truly insane, as it was pure torture, and i
will never recover what was lost in this destructive attempt to heal
me of my 'irrational thoughts', judged so as they did not fit into
the University system, and i hold the architectural establishment
significantly responsible for denying the public pursuit of
architectural knowledge, in order to hold onto the truth as they see
it, in a privatized authoritarian worldview.


HEALTH:

frequently nightmares, the memory of electroshock is so disturbing.
many nights when falling into sleep, i remember being prepared for
ECT when the shock-doc said- 'Let's Turn it (electrical voltage) up
this time..."- which filled me with terror as i fell into
unconsciousness in the operating room.

post-ECT effects include language troubles, damaged memory, social
stigma, illegitimacy, prejudice, psychological issues, etc.

After shock it becomes impossible to read. often have short
seizure-like events with a brain twitch, a miniature seizure where
the brain reboots, similar to that which Virilio describes in 'the
Aesthetics of Disappearance.'




------------------------------------------------------------------------
7--	MULTIMEDIATED ARCHITECTURE
------------------------------------------------------------------------


SPACETIME:

1996-1998, move from Minneapolis,
Minnesota to San Francisco Bay Area,
Northern California, USA


EVENTs & ANALYSIS:

attend school for multimedia studies and continue to independently
research the relationship between architecture and electricity.

apply for a grant from Weblab.org for the Architecture of Electricity
project run by the former head of the P.O.V. film series in the USA.
my work is again turned down for not being what they are looking for
in web content, while they promote their service as something to
challenge status quo views of things.

Apply for a 2 year scholarship to the SFSU Multimedia Studies
Program, then directed by Randall Packer. Move to California to
attend school and work independently on public ideas i was unable to
pursue in architectural school. in my scholarship application i
attempted to explain my paradoxical situation:


*	Multimedia Studies scholarship application (1995)

	http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/mm/form.html


i was grateful to learn many new skills such as digital audio, video,
and imaging in a CD-rom based curriculum. later on, i taught myself
web skills, and applied all of these newfound skills in producing
works online.

.

As a result of a having time to research, it became possible to
develop various aspects of the future Architecture of Electricity
thesis for my graduation project. John Young at cryptome.org kindly
scanned and posted a document online that i sent out in paper form to
dozens of Architectural academics and administrators regarding the
research i was developing, and asking for support. i received no
replies:

*	the AE blueprint  {AT}  cryptome.org (1997-1998)

	http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/cryptae/AE.htm


The result of this blueprint was an online prototype of an
educationally-oriented map of electricity and an electrical cosmology
to help explain why one would want to rationally define a direct
lineage from the Big Bang to the Internet:


*	Mapping the Electrical Assemblage (1998)

	http://www.architexturez.com/mea/mea_m.htm

*	The Story of Electricity (1998)

	http://www.architexturez.com/mea/story1/2main.htm


my work included 3D computer model of a chess set that i described in
the Program for Individualized Learning (PIL) application years
before...


*	Electrical Power System chess set (1998)

	http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/chess/1.htm


upon graduating from school, receive the Robert Bell outstanding
achievement award and share my work online the Internet, but still no
one in the field of architecture relates to it, and so i accept that
i will need to find work in the field of multimedia, and pursue my
architectural research on the side.

My main goals were to stay healthy and work my way off of public
assistance. both of which prove impossible.


HEALTH:

went dentist, dr. vu, who asked why i had disability insurance. i
said i was mentally disabled.

all people in the office were screaming or moaning in pain. young and old.

i began questioning the work she was doing on my teeth, as she would
just start drilling until she hit a nerve, and then i would demand to
know what she was doing and i was assured i had severe problems with
my teeth. when i told others about my suspicions, i was considered
paranoid. So i was silent and accepted that i must be 'crazy' to
question this dentist.

In the end, i was given 4 unnecessary root canals, none of which the
state would pay to cap, so i had teeth without tops, which were
severely infected by unhygienic tools and overdoses and subsequent
reactions to antibiotics. In an emergency a relative helped pay for
me to visit another dentist as i was in so much pain i could not
think. today my teeth are still infected and my health never
recovered from having the dentist drill on open nerves and misuse of
antibiotics.

dr. vu left town without a trace after 'mining' my teeth and many
other people using the public health system.


~~~

SPACETIME:  1998-1999


EVENTs & ANALYSIS:

although displaying skills often much more diverse than most employed
in the multimedia industry in San Francisco, i am unable to even get
interviews based on my resume and portfolio. So too, my architectural
work and research are of no help in obtaining a way out of total
dependency and subservience to the statistical ideal of the reigning
bureaucratic worldview.

develop a portfolio of my digital media skills for showcasing my work
skills for potential employers, in an attempt to work my way off of
Social Security. My unique generalist skills are not valued in the
specialist marketplace.

*	SITE (going offline)

	http://www.architexturez.com/site/


as a public service, develop and maintain an online portal and
archive of freely available architectural research and theory texts
online the Internet in my spare time, while working on my
architectural research. It becomes an established site, on the main
page of Yahoo, and has 30,000 plus visitors a year. Yet still cannot
find work in the profession.


*	architexturez.com (being transferred)

	http://www.architexturez.com/


also create an architectural glossary in an attempt to deal with the
pervasive architectural issue regarding discourse and language, in an
attempt to find a shared meaning.


*	The glossalalia project (being transferred)

	http://www.architexturez.com/glossalalia/


both the architexturez and glossalalia projects are being transferred
to a team of online collaborators whom will continue to develop the
projects for the public domain.


HEALTH:

	a computer grant was facilitated through the Center for
Independent Living (CIL) in Berkeley, California, where the
disability rights movement began in the USA, including originating
the drive for the American with Disabilities Act and advocacy for
disabled rights to work.

The goal of the computer grant is to work my way off the Social
Security system. The mac-clone enables many things, including
reentering the workforce as an independent contractor at SFSU's MM
and IT Corporate Training program, helping develop their website and
strategy part-time, while also continuing my architectural research,
which i desperately need to do to keep my sanity.



------------------------------------------------------------------------
8--	ARCHITECTURAL DEBATE (SIC)
------------------------------------------------------------------------


SPACETIME: 	1998, the Internet Design-List


EVENTs & ANALYSIS:

architecture exists online in a way it cannot offline. That is, all
of its paradoxes and difficulties cannot be contained in a clean-room
environment and philosophical architectures are beginning to form
through debates in public forums.

There is no 'public' architectural debate, outside the University.
But sometimes there is, in some regards, a fish out of water...

debated Columbia University's architectural theorist Stephen Perrella
in a public forum, the design-list, regarding a Lingua Franca article
and the ideas presented therein centering around the idea of
'schizo-philosophy' as employed as a radical politic inside the
insular circles of architectural theorists inside the University. i
called this an absurd theoretical bluff, in so many words.

The result was an exchange in the design-list archives...


*	debate with spN of Columbia University (1998)

	http://www.electronetwork.org/works/automadness/debate/


the debate ended, as if it never happened. spN privately said he
would send me a copy of his hypersurface book and then offered me a
chance to write in his next book. neither of which happened. And both
of which seemed like an opportunistic buyout at the time, as he owns
access to the press. For me all of this it was an indication that
architectural thought today is highly privatized and controlled
inside the University, to the point where it is impossible to have an
open, public debate, as those in positions of power with total
authority over the interpretation of architectural ideology may risk
being wrong or having their ideas proven basically unsound.


HEALTH:

besides the prevailing prejudice about being labeled schizophrenic
and thus, all my work being boiled down to firstly being that of a
mad person, dangerous even, and most certainly irrational, no matter
how logical or rational or reasonable one may be. They are still
nuts, then there is 'certainty' of where they fit into the ruling
system of order and control over independent thought. these documents
are presented to give the reader an opportunity to review
architectural discourse outside the institutional walls which confine
architectural truth and knowledge.

[end part 1/2]

--------------------++-----
Les faits sont faits.
http://felix.openflows.org


#  distributed via <nettime>: no commercial use without permission
#  <nettime> is a moderated mailing list for net criticism,
#  collaborative text filtering and cultural politics of the nets
#  more info: majordomo {AT} bbs.thing.net and "info nettime-l" in the msg body
#  archive: http://www.nettime.org contact: nettime {AT} bbs.thing.net