Patrice Riemens on Thu, 17 Jul 2014 18:04:56 +0200 (CEST)

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Re: <nettime> A message from the police: IF YOU SUSPECT IT,

This is excellent! Here's my modest contribution to make this outstanding 
piece of advice to all catt..., sorry peace-loving serf..., sorry
citizens, more explicit

> Terrorists have to live somewhere. They store their equipment and
> materials somewhere. They need vehicles. They have people who help
> them - and these people might come and go at strange times of the
> day and night. They may make unusual financial transactions or use
> false documents to hide their real identities. They may be behaving
> differently to how you've known them to behave in the past.

Indeed! Check out that your neighbours, acquaintances, friends, and
actually, your own family members (esp siblings, children, parents and
grand parents) correlate with at least one of these categories. They will.
Report them immediately! (and don't forget to report yourself as well -
the reason is obvious)

> If you suspect it, report it. You can also give non-urgent
> information that may assist police investigations online through

Yes do write, do write a lot - and then turn yourself in.

> Van ? Terrorists need transport. If you work in commercial vehicle
> hire or sales, has a sale or rental made you suspicious?

There was a moving in yr street. That is _highly_ suspicious in times of
austerity. Report it!

> Passport ? Terrorists use multiple identities. Do you know someone
> with documents in different names for no obvious reason?

The only acceptable reason for spying is for the government. You won't
know it, so report - and get arrested!

> Mobile phone ? Terrorists need communication. Anonymous, pay-as-you-go
> and stolen mobiles are typical. Have you seen someone with large
> quantities of mobile phones? Has it made you suspicious?

Yes, your neighbour collects them for what she calls 'a good cause'.
Recycling? That's (green) terrorism. Developing countries? That's Al
Quaida! Report her!  Oh yeah, and she also applied for the third batch of
Fairphone? A lifelong sentence is way too mild!

> Camera ? Terrorists need information. Observation and surveillance
> help terrorists plan attacks. Have you seen anyone taking pictures of
> security arrangements?

Seen 'activists' filming police deployment and use of 'robust law
enforcement methods'? Terrorists! Report 'm all!

> Chemicals ? Do you know someone buying large or unusual quantities of
> chemicals for no obvious reason?

An acceptable reason is manufacturing 'substances for consumption' We'll
pretend not, but believe us, that's OK. Any other reason (railway modelism
f.i.) is terrorism. Report!

> Mask and goggles ? Terrorists use protective equipment. Handling
> chemicals is dangerous. Maybe you?ve seen goggles or masks dumped
> somewhere.

Folks in yr street engaging in home improvement work? Using protective
equipment? That's clearly illegal! Pre-terrorism!  Report!

> Credit card ? Terrorists need funding. Cheque and credit card fraud
> are ways terrorists generate cash. Have you seen any suspicious
> transactions?

We at the bank see 'm all the time. But that won't bother us or G forbids,
threaten our bottom line. But why do _you_ have more than one bank
account? And bank with a non-mainstream bank? Report anyone having a
Triodos, Co-op Bank or whatever 'funny' account: pre-terrorists!

> Computer ? Terrorists use computers. Do you know someone who visits
> terrorist-related websites?

Yes, a lot of journalists do, esp from the 'wrong' press. Jail 'm all!

> Suitcase ? Terrorists need to travel. Meetings training and planning
> can take place anywhere. Do you know someone who travels but is vague
> about where they are going?

Tourists = Terrorists - I mean which part of the alphabet soup don't you
dummies get?

> Padlock ? Terrorists need storage. Lock-ups, garages and sheds can all
> be used by terrorists to store equipment. Are you suspicious of anyone
> renting a commercial property?

Have you also noticed all these padlocks on bridges, so-called
love-trinkets. Bolloks! It's all to confuse the Gest... sorry Metropolitan
Police Force. They have doubles for their hidden rendez-vous places.
Report all unmarried couples! and the married ones as well!

Report everybody! Turn your self in! Everyone is a culprit! -
unfortunately it cannot always be proven, yet (-Fouche, Napoleon's police


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